I've reached an important epiphany about Nigeria over the past 24 hours: The so-called government itself is in trouble and cannot enforce its will. It is desperately pushing every button and yanking every lever to calm the situation, but nothing is working.
#SARSMUSTEND
To put it another way, the organisation that Muhammadu Buhari and his co-travellers are running called the "Federal Government" is only in power nominally.

These guys have lost control in most meaningful ways. Buhari is only "president" of Maitama and Asokoro
#SARSMUSTEND
Which means that there is a possibility of open anarchy if the security forces they are already struggling to keep hold of break the leash and start attacking Nigerians randomly and indiscriminately.

At which point we may well hear martial music on the radio.
#SARSMUSTEND
I'm not sure what the solution is from a presidential POV. They're damned if they do, and fucked if they don't.

We're experiencing what it means to live inside a country led by an illegitimate regime whose security forces no longer obey orders.
#SARSMUSTEND
I appeal to the Nigerian military to please respect democracy and remain neutral in the days and weeks to come. They must not obey any orders that will incite Nigerians to anarchy, and they also must not unseat the elected government, regardless of its shenanigans.
#SARSMUSTEND

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More from @DavidHundeyin

2 Oct
Very easy to give speeches and orisirisi big talk about Africa being "open for business," but to move from one ECOWAS state to another and open a simple bank account costs $500 for a residence and work permit, $180 for a health assessment and $120 for a "non citizen ID card."
That's N377,000 just to move to an ECOWAS state. Meanwhile to get a GoFreelance visa in Dubai is N750,000.

If I can afford to waste $800 on mediocre West African value, why can't I instead spend $1,600 on the far superior Dubai offering?

And this is how to lose talent 101.
Instead of building your value proposition as a West African state around proximity to your neighbours and ease of access to services that aid business, you instead try to rip off travelers who then promptly go off to somewhere offering more value.

And you are left with nothing.
Read 6 tweets
1 Oct
I especially love how this man always talks as if Nigeria was invented in 1999. Because otherwise some might realise that this yahoo boy has consistently been in government since 1975 apart from 1975-1983, 1985-1994 and 1999-2015.
Governor Northeastern State - 1975-1976
Governor Borno State - February 1976-March 1976
Minister of Petroleum - 1976-1979
NNPC Chairman - 1977-1978
Head of State - 1983-1985
PTF Chairman - 1994-1998
President - 2015-present
15 years in and around top level power and he talks like he's some brave outsider challenging the status quo, not the senior prefect of everyone who ruined Nigeria.

Please name one person who has exerted anything close to this level of sustained influence over Nigeria.
Read 4 tweets
30 Sep
I fully endorse this thread.

But localised for the Nigerian-based audience, the most important proviso is this: BE FINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT.

Nigerian parents have no conscience whatsoever when it comes to using your financial dependence as a string to puppet you with.
And even when you become independent, don't assume that they will start respecting you overnight. In other words, be cool with keeping your distance and not having their approval.

They will turn it into a drama and try all sorts of emotional blackmail but relax.

Nobody will die
I remember how my mom wanted to die when I informed her that I would not marry the girl she had handpicked for me from another rich Jehovah Witness home, and I was going to marry someone who was a) Not rich or anything close to it, and b) Not Jehovah Witness 😂😂😂😂😂
Read 4 tweets
26 Sep
They literally created a legal slush fund to launder proceeds of the kidnap ransoms that SARS extorts from Nigerians. Like they literally said so right here in plain English "fines levied for 'offences against discipline' ".

But David Hundeyin is being "alarmist." Image
Small English to obfuscate something blindingly obvious, and see how everybody has chopped the legover. Even the ones who wear a wig and answer to "Esquire" did not spot this.

They created a slush fund to distribute proceeds of their criminality and wrote that shit into law!
But nah, fuck David Hundeyin! He is your problem, not the government openly and brazenly constructing a terrorist state over your heads.

Utter dumbfucks
Read 4 tweets
26 Sep
It's all so stupid and infuriating because once again Nigeria is determined to make me look like Nostradamus.

If you do not remove these powers from an institution that has demonstrated that it is not worthy of them, the first law of physics is inevitable. But yeah, "alarmist"
Do these wig-wearing fools and their superiors in govt know that Nigeria is awash with illegal firearms going for as little as N2,000?

When to this tinderbox you add millions of young, angry men pushed to the wall, how do you think the story will end?
Look, I fucking HATE seeing "David Hundeyin was right" AFTER the fact. Can you not for once do the obvious thing instead of allowing the situation build into yet another avoidable calamity?

What is wrong with all of you in this country?
Read 4 tweets
26 Sep
Last time I was in Dubai, I spent the week at a Premier Inn in Silicon Oasis where I met a British lady called Lauren. She was the one who explained why the (Kenyan and Pinoy) wait staff were scared to catch my eye.

One complaint from a customer and they'd be on a flight home.
Felt really sad because I'm used to reflexively befriending Africans when I run into them outside the continent. De-facto economic segregation back home means our paths typically won't cross, so effectively exporting the same stratification is quite depressing.
Feels like except those born on 3rd base like myself, Africans really can't catch a break. Statistically the African middle class is the fastest growing in the world, but that's only because by the income standards used to measure, everyone else already scaled this rung.
Read 4 tweets

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