Autistic people may do socially “inappropriate” things because we’re not aware of how our actions/motivations will be perceived by others.
We might be perceived as rude, deviant, or disobedient at times when we’re just oblivious to how our actions will be interpreted.
We might be perceived as rude, deviant, or disobedient at times when we’re just oblivious to how our actions will be interpreted.
To illustrate this, here’s a story from my childhood:
One day after school when I was 6 years old, I was using the school bathroom.
A girl had walked in ahead of me, and I thought I recognized her but I wasn’t sure, and I wanted to see her face just to check if I knew her.
One day after school when I was 6 years old, I was using the school bathroom.
A girl had walked in ahead of me, and I thought I recognized her but I wasn’t sure, and I wanted to see her face just to check if I knew her.
She was in the stall next to mine. I leaned down and stuck my head underneath the divider between our stalls, trying to see her face.
I wasn’t conscious of how this behavior would be perceived. My intention was to see her face, so other motivations didn’t occur to me.
I wasn’t conscious of how this behavior would be perceived. My intention was to see her face, so other motivations didn’t occur to me.
She saw me craning my neck under the stall to look at her, and was understandably freaked out.
She started yelling that someone was looking at her, and I immediately sat up & disappeared back to my own side of the divider.
I was horrified, because I realized what she thought.
She started yelling that someone was looking at her, and I immediately sat up & disappeared back to my own side of the divider.
I was horrified, because I realized what she thought.
It simply hadn’t crossed my mind that my own train of thought wouldn’t be shared by people who were only perceiving me externally.
I doubt that an adult involved would have believed me if I said that I was only looking at her because I wanted to see her face.
I doubt that an adult involved would have believed me if I said that I was only looking at her because I wanted to see her face.
Things like this have happened all my life. I’ve seemed like I’m cheating, trying to injure someone, being intentionally inappropriate, etc. simply because I’m unaware that my actions will be perceived in a negative light.
It’s gotten me into trouble when it shouldn’t.
It’s gotten me into trouble when it shouldn’t.
I’ve found that people usually don’t believe my honest explanations of why I did something, because it would require them believing that I was genuinely unaware of social rules.
Because I’m not always “obviously” autistic, people assume I’m a NT who’s just making up excuses.
Because I’m not always “obviously” autistic, people assume I’m a NT who’s just making up excuses.
So I would caution anyone who’s interacting with someone who just violated a social norm, to consider whether they knew the implications of what they were doing, or not.
It’s completely useless to reprimand someone for doing something that they didn’t know was wrong.
It’s completely useless to reprimand someone for doing something that they didn’t know was wrong.
With that being said, it’s good to talk to the person afterwards and let them know how their actions were perceived.
That way, similar mistakes and miscommunications can be avoided in the future.
Just remember that autistic people’s social blunders aren’t usually malicious.
That way, similar mistakes and miscommunications can be avoided in the future.
Just remember that autistic people’s social blunders aren’t usually malicious.
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