Thread by @Writagal

My neighbours are absolutely rip-roaring drunk and also letting off fireworks. What could possibly go wrong.

Someone just screamed “F*CK!” at the top of their lungs and alas I cannot tell if it’s alcohol-related or burn related.
Maybe both 🤔

Now they are shrieking over something. No loud bangs but lots of “oh my god!” from one bloke.

Assume it’s sparklers.

Actually, I really hope it is sparklers & no one’s getting it on in the driveway.

Shakira is playing.

They are all singing the “hips don’t lie” part and seriously I am just very grateful that I cannot actually see what they are doing.

Someone else is barking like a dog. I am not sure if it is meant to support the Shakira team or to subtly critique.

They all just went “whoaaa” & I thought it was because maybe they were watching sports.

But it was because...Backstreet Boys.

These people are younger than I am & I don’t even go “whoa” because of the Backstreet Boys.

Should I be going “whoa” because of the Backstreet Boys? 🤔

I think they realised the Backstreet Boys went too far.
They have returned to fireworks with intermittent screeching.
2 dudes are having a very serious conversation outside my place but it’s that level of drunk where they understand each other perfectly but no one listening does.

Guys. They are now all collectively singing to Mr Brightside like a very bad British choir who also are purposely trying to lose the choir competition.

This is... you know how sometimes you watch one episode of Geordie Shore & then you’re both appalled & fascinated?

That.

You won’t believe this but my other neighbours have come home with creatures that can loosely be described as children & have clearly given them a f*ckton of sugar.

The thing that they are doing now at...*checks notes* 10.30pm is running around their garden screaming “I’M IT.”

I now have kids screaming on one side of my house & adults screaming on the other side & my cat has disappeared very firmly AWAY because she is extremely smart & I’m just here, reporting into the void because 10.30 is too early to call noise control & also CLEARLY I’M THE NARK.

The demon-child neighbours have put a TENT in their garden.
These hopped-up sugar fiends are going to be camping.

First of all, why anyone would camp willingly is beyond me, & do they KNOW their kids are going to be up crack of dawn OUTSIDE?

...That’s the entire plan, isn’t it.

In adult (loose descriptor) neighbour news, they have clearly absorbed some lessons from the demon-child neighbours and are having what sounds like running races up and down the driveway.
Why not, my good dudes, given the almost-impossible task of beating the highs of Shakira 🤷🏻‍♀️

Somebody won. (“YEEAAZ!”)
Somebody lost. (“Aaaaooh.”)
I think someone else called noise control because it’s just drunken slurring now but no music, can’t be because they’ve learned to be considerate cos they do this every Friday 🤔🤞
Demon-children are quiet (for now.)
Peace?

They’re singing “why does love do this to me.”

There is no peace, or silence.

There is only endless cackling interspersed with some guy repeatedly yelling “YEAH F*CK YEAH” for no discernible reason, and someone going “Let’s put on S-Club 7!”

My dearest Twitter, good(?)night.