Thread by @EvyStory

#ADHDers have a "talent" for disappearing.

ADHD-ghosting usually happens when RSD is in control; we believe the other person/ppl don't want anything to do with us cuz we made a mistake, missed a deadline, etc etc.

They're also a response to being overwhelmed by "all the things"

But sometimes it's entirely unintentional. We don't notice time passing so don't realize how long it's been, & we aren't good at recalling something without being prompted so something needing a reply can get pushed to the background when our attention is full of "all the things"

These vanishing acts can occur gradually or in one big impulsive withdraw. They end up persisting when we don't know how to reconnect with that person since it is often viewed as a breach of trust or as being rude; making it all the more difficult for us to overcome this behavior

We didn't "forget about you b/c you're not important," we didn't "not reply b/c we don't care." We do care & we want to stay in contact, we want to keep working on the thing.

(This is where workplace accommodations could be helpful & accommodating/helpful/forgiving friends)

We're not asking to be allowed to be shitty people. We're asking for helped to not accidentally be doing this; cuz we don't want to.

Being punished doesn't help; we are already punishing ourselves internally. But being encouraged can be incredibly powerful for us (cuz dopamine)

I've been ADHD-ghosted by ppl, & that's okay. That person can come back & I'm willing to reconnect. I think forgiving them will help them be more likely to not do it again in the future, or at least for less time, which is a win.

Sure I'll take precautions against the harm of being ghosted, but I won't punish them for ghosting, especially the first few times. & yes it's multiple forgivings b/c we're not good at learning new habits so developing the behaviors to counteract this need more time to get rooted

& when I ADHD-ghost, I'd hope the person is willing to reconnect & forgive & maybe help me minimize the things that put pressure on me to ghost in the first place.

~love you #teamadhd #neurodiversesquad, be your full selves