Now the sweary version; this piss eyed leaking sack of edge lord pseudo-incel weaponised sociopathy has done probably irreparable damage to this country's character, it's capacity for hope, it's long term economic future and it's short term mental and psychological health.
This right here? Is a piece of shit. A pompous, conceited fuckwad who because he knew a little more than everyone else became convinced he was better than everyone else and everyone else deserved neither praise nor patience nor him.
I got closer to this than I wanted in my teens. Seeing this as the end game? Makes me even happier about choices I made and Dom here clearly did not.
Also, and I say this with no hyperbole at all, this man has blood on his hands and should never, ever be forgiven for what he's done and the people he's made deals with.
Even putting aside his role in the campaign that led to an MP being assassinated and the bloviated tobacco stained Hitler Youth cosplayer who rode his coattails, his actions earlier this year were stultifying in the damage they continue to inflict.
By flouting the lockdown laws his own government put together, Cummings made two things clear; there are the proles and the ruling class and when it came down to it, he couldn't give a shit about the rules.
I want to feel empathetic for him. I don't. Neither should you. He made a shitty choice, lied to cover it up and was only saved by the intervention of the worst PM since Thatcher.
He should leave with enquiries hanging over his head. He should never sleep soundly again. He should spend the rest of his life acknowleding and atoning for the wounds he's gouged in us all.
He'll leave infinitely richer than he came in and odds are be back.
So, one time, and with so much feeling;
Fuck you, Dominic Cummings. Fuck you and every one of your eugenics fanboy garden eugenicist fanboys. All of this is your fault. Enjoy Barnard Castle. You fuck.
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Written down it looks stupid, right? It isn't. This time of year is rough for some folks at the best of times. This? Is categorically the fuck not the best of times. I often have to untie a knot of shitty body image lessons, professional frustration and straight up stress by...
stepping outside. Or playing a video game. Or baking something. Or lifting weights. If I wanted to I could seethe with frustration over the fact it feels, sometimes, like every healthy body image lesson and habit we built at the top of the year has been torpedoed.
Tonight's opening monologue is “Space’s Best Bars and Restaurants” and “Dress to Fluoresce: Space Fashion” from Notes from Small Planets by Nate ‘House Band’ Crowley who you can and should find here as @frogcroakley.
I mean the man’s litany of corruption, in every sense of the word, is as broad spectrum as his base is not but as God is my ducking witness if anyone uses the words ‘fake news’ after January 20th I want their fucking dicks to drop off.
I’ve watched friends and family deal with invertebrates in red baseball caps with single figure YouTube accounts claiming to be ‘the true press’ and every single fucking one of you who used that phrase helped make that seem okay.
It was never okay. It was never fucking close to okay. Mocking that journalist on the ‘16 campaign trail. ACTUAL NAZI PHRASES FOR LYING PRESS. ‘Fake news’. All of it is unfuckingforgivable and all of it stops right the fuck now.
And that's a book, folks! THANK YOU SO MUCH for listening to A Wizard's Guide to Defensive Baking's epic, heartrending finale. ACTUAL tears. ACTUAL blood. ACTUAL tweet thread.
Our opening art this week is by @perryscribbles from Twitter. Thank you so much for this wonderful, super moody Peter Lukas
The amazing @Wendles1967 decked Chungus out in their latest finery, an amazing V For Vendetta/TMA hat complete with excellent poem!
Well I’ve just had a fantastic chat with some of the creative team behind @HearCircles and the chef soundtrack is playing so let’s make focaccia.
Add all these to a mixing bowl making sure that the yeast and sugar are as far apart as possible because if they got too close they’d discover the doomed romance between their children and wait that might actually be West Side Story.