It's really frustrating to not have the right words to explain all this covid/nursing as someone who writes professionally.
When you're a writer you're used to thinking, 'There's some perfect way to explain this experience. If I keep trying, I'll get it right, and people will understand me. I can make this experience universal. I can change lives.'
I keep trying, and there's just...not.

I feel like a whiner. We're merely full, but not slammed. But I can't help but see what's coming for us. And feel how disposable our lives and the candlewicks of our souls seem to be.
I'm like so good at compartmentalizing now y'all don't even have any idea.

But I can't keep hoping that if I say the right thing once to the right person somehow it'll change all this.

Somehow make other people care, make other people stop and think, and get the rest to mask.
I guess that's the stupid 'american exceptionalism' happening in me, that I think that there could be an answer inside of me somewhere that'd actually make a difference.

I guess that's good to have. That eight months of bullshit haven't beat it out.
It's just like a puzzle I can't put aside though.

Why don't people care?

Why can't people care?

Why don't people listen?

How can I make them?

What else is there that I could possibly do to stave this thing off again?
But...there's nothing.

I can't even convince my own parents not to have visitors over this weekend.

I can't even save them.

I feel like a failure, every single day.
I don't understand any of this, and I've made a semi-lucrative side-career out of distilling human experiences into words.

But for all this, for all the malignant ignorance, the harm we've done to our fellow humans, and are still doing every day....

words fail me.

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More from @CassieY4

4 Apr
okay, I have passed from incandescent rage stage to just wanting to explain things calmly, so I'll post

Hello, I would like to tell you what it's like to put your loved one to sleep from the medical side.

This...might be a long thread. Buckle in.
So, in a perfect world, this would be a decision the patient would participate in themselves.

This should now be a legit discussion you have with your family members.

If you don't let people know what your desires are -- well, they won't know. And they'll hesitate.
No one wants to be the bad guy who pulls the plug. And without clear guidance from you, your family is going to feel guilty.

No matter what they decide.

So please, please, please, have those talks. Even though they're scary. They're important.

Read 26 tweets
25 Mar
High Density Info thread coming:


This is just a fancy-ass CPAP machine like your snoring husband wears.

It is not gonna save NYC or us.

More info on how vents work .... 1/
There are several different levels of oxygenating people depending on their need and what's wrong with them.

Sometimes people's lungs aren't elastic enough for proper air exchange, other times ppl's lungs can't get the O2 outta the air (ARDS), etc.

So when you start off 2/
you start with a nasal canula, like y'all have all seen on TV before. Obviously that's not a tight seal in someone's nose, it's just those little prongs, right?

But sometimes just goosing people with some extra O2 airflow is enough to help them breathe.

Read 33 tweets

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