Twas the night before Sparta, and outside the ground

Not a game plan was brewing, no hope to be found

A star soon appeared, on a move he was keen

He’s felt that way since 2019

Then who should appear but two of the midfield

Possession to Sparta they would shortly yield

A badge from the future, it lit up the night

“Tomorrow,” it said, “you’ll play utter shite”

“What’s wrong wee man?” our elf wanted to know

“Will our leaky defence cost us 10-in-row?”

He looked him in the eye, put a hand to his head

“Rangers live here, although they are dead”


“Mate, you’ve hit the mute button”

“I said blame it on Griffiths”

“Oh hi there Chris Sutton”

Then one of the boys became slightly vexed

“We’re trying to work and this prick’s sending texts”

A helper was found who soon became a hero

“Fuck this,” he thought, “take me back to San Siro”

The Sparta attack, they needed a lift

Thankfully Duffy prepared them a gift

“Group H isn’t pretty” they declared to Neil

Then pointed to Sparta Prague, Milan and Lille

A captain appeared but the night passed him by

“He’ll never be dropped but Neil won’t explain why”

Their leader emerged, saying “”

His message obscured by the chewing of snus

He turned to his helpers and said with a grin

“It isn’t my fault, someone’s doing us in”

A saviour emerged, fit to wear the crown

“Sorry pal but I’m sticking with Scott Brown”

Then the leader exclaimed, ere he drove out of sight

“If you think we’ll get pumped, you’re probably right”


• • •

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