Thread by @paigefinnn

over this thanksgiving week, i've had time to reflect over what has certainly been a tumultuous year. i reread a piece I wrote in february that I've kept pretty private for a while, so I wanted to share a few key learnings from it & how the decision I made changed me...[a thread]

people often ask me if i want to work in vc.

the truth is, i had an offer to work as a partner-track associate at my dream vc firm - but it was on the east coast. let me tell you why I almost took the role, what changed my mind, and how that decision has shaped who I am today:

When I was little, I used to go boogie boarding with my dad.

He taught me that waves come in sets. Clutching my foam board, I'd wait for the tug at my ankles that signaled the first wave was coming. I'd plop myself down on the board and run to catch that first wave.

When the first wave faded, the momentum from the waves behind it in the set would push me on to the shore. I'd emerge from the shore, victorious and covered in sand & plow my way back to deeper waters.

But it was between the sets where I learned to wholly appreciate the ocean - spotting different shells, the occasional shimmer of a fish, dodging slimy tendrils of seaweed. It gave me time to soak up the small details. Amidst the rush of catching waves, I felt at peace.

I remember thinking about this concept often in february...I'd just come off a long, long set - a journey that looked like this:

I've worked an internship in a corporate setting since I was 17. I spent three years at Northrop Grumman & then past ten months at TVC Capital, a B2B-software focused growth equity firm. I spent my entire college career in and out of offices.

And I loved it. The work that I did became so tied to my idea of my identity. It was the first thing off my tongue when someone asked about me. My last semester, my class schedule didn't allow for me to work anymore.

I told everyone that I was excited to have a break after working so hard, but the truth was - I was nervous. Who would I be without...work? I caught myself switching tenses to " used to.." and would feel a slight twinge.

In January, I went through a hiring process with my dream vc firm on the east coast. I loved the people there, I loved the freedom/responsibility the position would allow me, I loved what their brand of investing represented. I loved that I'd get to work and support founders.

After passing an onsite interview, they gave me an offer. I told my parents that I was going to take the job on January 25th. They didn't speak to me for hours.

It's one of the worst feelings to have the people you care about most not acknowledge a huge success in your life.

I was living out what I thought was my dream - to be an associate at an esteemed venture capital fund, to know what I was doing after college. After seeing my parents reactions, I wished for a sign to let me know that I was making the right decision.

And then Kobe died. On January 26th, the very next morning.

In the midst of the emotional rollercoaster I was having at home, Kobe's death hit me particularly hard. The incredible outpouring of love and support and urges to spend time with your family really hit home.

In the comments on one of the twitter threads about Kobe, someone posted an article called 'The Tail End.' In the article, Tim Urban explores how a human life is measured - some activities are linear, and some are not. waitbutwhy.com/2015/12/the-ta…

At the end, Tim wrote

1) Living in the same place as the people you love matters. You probably have 10X the time left with the people who live in my city as you do with the people who live somewhere else.

2) Priorities matter. Your remaining face time with any person depends largely on where that person falls on your list of life priorities. Make sure this list is set by you—not by unconscious inertia.

3) Quality time matters. If you’re in your last 10% of time with someone you love, keep that fact in the front of your mind when you’re with them and treat that time as what it actually is: precious.

I realized that by moving across the country to build a life and a career there, I would cut my time short with my family. Less mother-daughter brunches, less DIY projects with my dad, less porch hangouts with my brothers.

So I emailed the firm the next morning to let them know I wouldn't be able to accept their offer. It was one of the hardest emails I'd ever sent. Tears blurred my vision when I pressed send, but I knew I was making the right decision.

And it continued to hurt. Every time someone asked what I was doing after school, every time I saw their name on crunchbase, every time I see someone on Linkedin announcing their fulltime offer. I'll always think about that career path that I could have had there.

I felt my momentum ebbing to cold email, reach out to people, look for a job. I was exhausted emotionally, and it's difficult to be peppy and bright on intro calls when you don't feel that way.

After going through that tumultuous experience, I paused between the sets.

In one of my readings, Alan Watt's Become What You Are, this passage about playing your part stuck out to me:

The line "instead of playing his part, his part plays him" deeply resonated with me as I spent time reflecting on my past. I was terrified of losing this corporate identity that I had so painstakingly sewed on like Peter Pan's shadow.

Without a part then and no set part for post-graduation, I had no choice but to indulge in this playfulness. I explored what my identity is outside of my work, and realized that becoming the person I always wanted to be is as simple as taking the first step in that direction..

I wrote "I'm learning that being still is a privilege, however uncomfortable it might feel. Even though it may feel like I'm in stagnant waters - I am not. I am still on this journey. I am simply between sets.

And when the next set comes and tugs at my ankles, I'll be ready."

So now, eight months later, I want to talk about what my next set has been like, why leaning into that playfulness fulfilled me more than ever, and how choosing my family over a career elsewhere helped me decouple my self-worth from work.

Mostly, I want to talk to those of you that have felt these stagnant waters, and might even be in them now. And I want to tell you why those sticky months were some of the best months I've had ❤️

So this playfulness lead to me becoming more engaged here, and meeting all of you, to landing a job I love through @grinich at @WorkOS that allows me to live in SD, to joining the @itiseyemoutheye team and finding an online family, to making a notion to help others break into vc

to writing lots of threads for founders/aspiring VCs, to writing a book, to raising over 4 grand for that book, to launching a community number(text "hi" to [phone]), to accidentally launching my first and oversubscribed syndicate deal (can't share publicly yet but !!)

This playfulness has led me to snowballing abundance, where I get to give back to a community that has welcomed me with open arms, even though I'm not a target-school IB grad with fancy logos on my resume, and see my family on a (distanced) weekly basis.

And I'm find myself bursting at the seams with gratefulness that I made that choice in January.

And I still get people commenting that I made the wrong choice - but you know what?

Making this choice helped me understand that I don't need to heed the opinions on my decisions from people with different value structures than myself.

And a beautiful thing happened when I chose my family - the work that I do now is part of my identity. It's not the whole thing.

I work hard & I am so proud & excited about the work that I get to do supporting growing companies both outside and inside of my job.

I'm also really excited to put down roots in San Diego, to give back to SDSU (might be coaching next year's venture capital investment team - watch out byu!!), the tech scene, and my broader community & spend time with family and friends.

So this thread goes out to those of you making the same decision I did - I can't emphasize this enough - it's really, really hard & I respect both sides of it.

You are not alone. It will work out eventually. You are not in stagnant waters. You're simply between sets.

my mom is reading all your sweet comments on this thread and she said that she hopes it can help some of you in your decision processes ❤️

she's also having a holiday fine art special if you'd like to share some joy with your families: kimdohertyart.com/collections/15…

also from mom "when you put your family and friendships first on the top of your priorities, you’ll often find the other pieces falling into place around them. "