#WashingMachineUpdate, for those of you who've been unable to sleep wondering how I'd make it through the pandemic with a washing machine that's complètement foutue. God bless Darty. The repairman is here exactly as scheduled; he is replacing the pump and the tuyau interne.
No extra charge. The culprit was a "baleine de soutien-gorge," and "un bouchon" in the tuyau (deep in its innards) filled with six years' worth of cat fur, nicotine gum, and spare change. I couldn't have fixed it myself, no matter how many manuals I had. I didn't have the parts.
I am very grateful to everyone who offered advice, and so particularly grateful to @OnGBandC and @hlshaken for reasons they know well. Voilà the result of your generosity: 
To come: photos of clean laundry--fresh sheet upon sheet waving on the drying rack; T-shirts that smell of Surf Lessive liquide Lys Tropical et Ylang Ylang rather than pandemic sweat and cat barf.
(I'll draw a curtain of charity over my rhapsodies at the thought of freshly-laundered underwear lest it wind up being sold in Japanese vending machines.)
@Darty_Officiel, merci : Votre service clientèle est le meilleur de France, sinon du monde, et je n'achèterai jamais un appareil électroménager, gros ou petit, nulle part ailleurs sauf chez vous.
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