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Jeff B., who on earth is this guy?? Profile picture
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8 Dec, 5 tweets, 2 min read
I haven't even heard this and already it's the worst rock Christmas song ever, truly cursed. I imagine that to even listen to it would be to bring bad luck upon one's self.
On the other hand, the "Worst Christmas Songs" part of our upcoming Patreon-only @Political_Beats episode just got a late addition!
I did a terrible thing. I listened to it.

I will never be truly clean again.
How did Bon Jovi update the lyrics?

You're a bum, you're a bragger
You've lost all your swagger
And the word around town, you ain't much in the bed
[unintelligible] screw 'cause you're nuts
you're a kick in the guts
Happy Xmas my rump I think you are a chump
Okay so I made up that last line BUT ONLY THAT LAST LINE.

And he sings it in a voice that...I dunno, if something has happened to Bon Jovi's voice over the years and I don't know about it, I'll feel bad mocking how terrible he sounds.

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More from @EsotericCD

Jeff B., who on earth is this guy?? Profile picture
6 Dec
No two ways about it: Neil Young's ZUMA is such a f***in' great album.
Not even the Drunk History of "Cortez The Killer" is a blemish on ZUMA. And every single track is worthy. There are no throwaways, no songs from the reject pile. There are Neil Young classics here you may well never have even heard:
There's a song on ZUMA called "Danger Bird" that I'm pretty sure is about...well, a danger bird. Don't try to analyze it too closely lyrically. Just sink into the darkness.
Read 4 tweets
Jeff B., who on earth is this guy?? Profile picture
3 Dec
This is the caliber of 'witness' the "massive election fraud!!" folks in MI are bringing to bear today.
First rule of presenting a case: make sure your witnesses won't embarrass your team and their case, and do your absolute best to prep them to come off sober and reasonable. But nobody's minding the store here, it's just Id run amok.
Here's the thing that nobody's bothered to point out on the GOP irredentist side, but they should: they have every right to be *really f***ing excited* about how Trump and the GOP performed in WI/MI/PA despite...well, everything.
Read 5 tweets
Jeff B., who on earth is this guy?? Profile picture
2 Dec
There's a YouTube explainer video for everything.
Amusing little Anglo-Saxon factoid: back then, in the primitive era of medicine, the English were convinced that toads were poisonous, just as poisonous as snakes. And it wasn't just them! It was a belief that went all the way back to the proto-Indo-Europeans.
English words "frog" and "toad" aren't proto-Indo-European, at least as far as we know. But check out the PIE word for "wart." It's *wordhₓos. Transparent, hasn't changed over 7,000 years. Now, the PIE word for "frog?" Yup: *wordhₓos. They thought frogs & toads gave you warts.
Read 4 tweets
Jeff B., who on earth is this guy?? Profile picture
2 Dec
WHAT A
HORRIBLE
NIGHT TO
HAVE A
CURSE.
<kneels at the foot of a cliff with a red orb, is swept away by a tiny tornado>
I know the Angry Video Game Nerd famously hated Castlevania II: Simon's Quest, but I loved it as kid, crap translation and all. Fond memories of playing it as an 8yo after having major eye surgery, home for two weeks seeing triple as my brain recovered from the disorientation.
Read 4 tweets
Jeff B., who on earth is this guy?? Profile picture
29 Nov
I 100% guarantee you I can find an R.E.M. song that you will positively adore, even if you think you hate R.E.M.
Also, why would you hate R.E.M.? R.E.M. recorded this song!
Seriously, if you don't like this song, you missed the entire point of postpunk altogether.
Read 11 tweets
Jeff B., who on earth is this guy?? Profile picture
29 Nov
Welp, it happened. I've finally hit COVID-19 quarantine rock-bottom. I finally allowed Mrsoteric to cut my hair herself.
Anything was better than living another day with the truly remarkable stringy-stranded mullet I had grown. People were actually avoiding getting into elevators with me after taking a look at the tufts of hair sprouting from behind my neck.
When she was done, there was enough hair left on the floor for an entire second person. I have...far too much hair. But it beats male-pattern baldness, I suppose.
Read 5 tweets

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