Thread by @LandonMagnusson

I've got a lot of problems with you people. And now you're going to hearing about it.
#Festivus #ForTheRestofUs #AiringOfGrievances

Why do so many of you still insist on two spaces after a period? Do you still really use typewriters or select monospaced fonts? I don't think so. So why are you resisting modernity? #appellatetwitter

And to those of you that omit the Oxford comma. Are you intentionally trying to inject uncertainty into your writing just because you like antiquated writing styles? #appellatetwitter

Don't get me started on topic sentences. Why does your brief consistently skip topic sentences? Are you trying to make it harder for anyone to understand your argument? #appellatetwitter

Who told you that courier new was an elegant font? Some misguided writing hipster? #appellatetwitter

And what is your problem with subject headings? One word headings stating "Jurisdiction" mean nothing, while 100 word headings are just as useless. Can't you just write a concise, argumentative sentence that tells us where you're going? #appellatetwitter

Conclusions of law are not facts. Period. Stop trying to make them facts. #appellatetwitter

Normal people don't use heretofore, thereunto, hereby, and appertaining in writing. Nor do they precede nouns with the word "said" in normal speech without a hint of irony. So why do you use it? Stop it. #appellatetwitter

Nothing says that your pleadings must start with COMES NOW. I defy all of you to prove otherwise. You know you include it in your pleadings because your lawyer grandpa did. And it's dumb. #appellatetwitter