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24 Dec, 118 tweets, 96 min read
Hey! Is everyone looking forward to sleeping in their own beds for a change? Nah, me neither. Millions of us who relish our families' unique attempts at Christmas hospitality are really missing it right now. #duvetknowitschristmas [preamble 1/9]
This is the tenth year that people have sent me pictures of their claustrophobic, chaotic but undeniably festive Christmas sleeping arrangements. However, as you'll have noticed, this year feels a bit different. #duvetknowitschristmas [preamble 2/9]
Rather like churchgoing and orgies, #duvetknowitschristmas is one of those things directly affected by COVID. Lots of people spending time together isn't a great idea right now. [preamble 3/9]
I’ve had many tweets from people in the last few weeks expressing sadness that the Pictures Of Horrible Christmas Beds tradition might be compromised. I shared that sadness, but also couldn't really see how it might work. #duvetknowitschristmas [preamble 4/9]
I mean, it’s not fair to show people having a normal family Christmas when loads of us can’t. Also, anyone posting pictures would get loads of abuse for actively conspiring to kill their grandparents, and that's not great either. #duvetknowitschristmas [preamble 5/9]
So I was intending to have a year off, but @estellecostanza and @salihughes publicly shamed me into doing *something*, however rubbish it might turn out to be. #duvetknowitschristmas [preamble 6/9]
The plan, therefore, is to do an All Time Top 100 #duvetknowitschristmas Rundown, beginning at 8.20pm. A picture posted every minute, with #1 announced at 10pm. #duvet100 [preamble 7/9]
Occasionally, I will beseech you to make a timely donation to @crisis_uk, who work to end homelessness in the UK, via this link: justgiving.com/fundraising/du… #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100 [preamble 8/9]
OK, let me grab a mince pie and a glass of fizz, and let's do this thing. This is your five minute warning. #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100 [preamble 9/9]
(Incidentally, I AM doing all this in real time because Twitter only allows you to schedule a tweet every 5 minutes, which would mean posting #1 at about 4am.) #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#100 (@rhodri, 2011)

Here we go! This was the very first, posted by me at 12.37am on Christmas morning, 2011. (In subsequent years my mum did the room up like a boutique hotel to prevent me from joining in personally.) #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#99 (@elle_c_emm, 2011)

The first ever reply came from @Roxy_Hart, but she used an image bin that no longer exists, so that picture is GONE FOREVER. But this was the second. Ironing board, CHECK. We're off and running. #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#98 (@marnanel, 2013)

You can't buy duvet covers like this any more. Outlawed by an EU directive, I think. As a commenter observed: "Question of Sport logo circa 1979". #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#97 (@k8andrews, 2017)

May an outsized monkey propped up by a cardboard box watch over you this Christmas night. #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#96 (@driscolltheque, 2018)

My deeply unscientific research tells me that nearly 1/4 of Britons spend Christmas night sleeping within 2 metres of a filing cabinet. #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#95 (@johnowenjones, 2019)

When there's no room at the inn, sleep in a nearby caravan. That's what it says in the Bible. #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#94 (@JulieNicholas_, 2016)

Every year I eagerly anticipate the first neglected electronic drumkit. And here's our first, in with a bullet at #94. #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#93 (@matthewcr, 2019)

Have YOU ever been made to sleep in a bed shaped like a racing car? We at #duvetknowitschristmas are waiting for your call. #duvet100
#92 (@DaleyAFC, 2013)

As someone who has bought multiple Space Bags from QVC, I'm particularly fond of this. #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#91 (@ChateauGateaux, 2013)

Those come-to-bed eyes are so alluring. Almost provocative. #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#90 (@RachelLK, 2017)

Don't worry, this whole setup has definitely been PAT tested #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#89 (@flashboy, 2015)

Yes, the Laura Ashley thing, but is also seems to be a bed, in a room the size of said bed. Cosy. #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#88 (@howlieT, 2017)

No word has had its definition stretched more by #duvetknowitschristmas than "office" #duvet100
#87 (@BethHamer1, 2017)

It's our first "you will not be sleeping together under my roof, no matter how many years you've been married" picture 💔 #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
(NB: this isn't in the official #duvet100 cos there's no picture, but it's perhaps the ultimate example of puritanical parenting of grown adults at Christmas) #duvetknowitschristmas
#86 (@goldenbirdie, 2016)

Who better to greet you warmly on Christmas morning than, uh, yourself? #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#85 (@GentlemanBaker, 2015)

"Have a good sleep. Spread yourself out." #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#84 (@jedleicester, 2014)

The mirrored boudoir, guaranteed to cause a panic at 3am. #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#83 (@tubbsmcguire, 2015)

However uncomfortable your situation, there's guaranteed to be a disconsolate Muppet feeling slightly worse. #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#82 (@flendog_, 2017)

The pivotal moment in an exceedingly low-budget horror movie #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#81 (@Schstephs, 2017)

You are *guaranteed* to pull the curtains down trying to get to the toilet during the night #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#80 (@Anyerfillag, 2017)

When we leave home, our old bedrooms change. Slowly, they lose their original character. Ultimately, they become this. #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
The shortest of intermissions, just to point you in the direction of this fundraising page for Crisis, who help those who don't have homes to go to over Christmas: justgiving.com/fundraising/du… #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#79 (@CovJulia, 2019)

I believe this our first exercise machine. There will undoubtedly be more. Many more. #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#78 (@psoasiwassaying), 2016)

We tell our children that there are no such things as monsters, and then we inexplicably get freaked out over dolls with intense stares #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#77 (@TechnicallyRon, 2016)

"Yes, there is some room at the inn, but you might want to see it first" #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#76 (@KRamsey1997, 2014)

Sometimes the emotionally blank captions are funnier than the pictures. #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#75 (@Dianadep, 2017)

Man's inhumanity to man. #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#74 (@futuresgirluk, 2015)

If you accidentally ordered a way-too-big photo of your nephews, what would you do? Keep it in the spare room and scare guests with it. #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#73 (@girlgroundhops, 2019)

Marie Kondo has just had an aneurysm #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#72 (@HarrisonMatheny, 2017)

The temptation to get into the suit of armour and clank downstairs in the morning must be strong #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#71 (@BDStanley, 2015)

I always imagine seeing this one on Rightmove, for some reason #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#70 (@rabbitinahat, 2014)

On the upside, they look like a friendly bunch #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#69 (@ellepanes, 2015)

Personally I'd tape up the hole, although it's not impossible that it's Santa's entrance route #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#68 (@Nicola_Health, 2015)

Teddy's done 10k and could do with a massage #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#67 (@chegchenko, 2013)

The classic low level humiliation of putting a grown adult under Thomas The Tank Engine. Although many would relish it #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#66 (@dayan, 2015)

If you are troubled by this colourway, you are not alone #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#65 (@sophie_gadd, 2015)

Sometimes you can luck out and find yourself lolling around on giant-size furniture. I mean, absurdly huge. #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#64 (@RiceEllie, 2015)

PLEASE MUMMY NOT THE HAT SHOWROOM #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#63 (@scousepie, 2018)

There's always the Outdoor Folding Picnic Table to play with if you get bored #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#62 (@tdawks, 2015)

If the T Rex doesn't get you, the axe-wielding poltergeist will. #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#61 (@timchipping, 2015)

Abswings currently fetch around £10 on eBay, if you're interested in picking up a New Year bargain. #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#60 (@hayleyrose, 2019)

Someone is going to stand on an upturned plug before morning #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
Another brief intermission! If you're enjoying the #duvet100 countdown, and you can spare a few bob, do fling some the way of Crisis, who are working diligently to end homelessness: justgiving.com/fundraising/du…
#59 (@BigPud, 2014)

Everything you could possibly want on Christmas Day is right here in this room #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#58 (@robotmaths, 2015)

I have to say, I look at this kind of picture and think, hey, you'll get a better night's sleep! But I am 49 years old.
#57 (@ewoolerton, 2013)

I think these duvet covers stopped being made around the time of Rubik's Snake? #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#56 (@njiw88, 2014)

This image would look absolutely magnificent on the front of a greetings card. Can't believe I haven't thought of this business opportunity before. #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#55 (@rolacoka, 2017)

And who wouldn't be? #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#54 (@PeterC78, 2014)

Please may I introduce you to Olaf, Bringer Of Destruction #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#53 (@raquelle, 2017)

That the bubble wrap got more attention than the resonator guitar says a lot about modern Britain
#52 (@CharmlessNurk, 2017)

If you can't stand the house, get out of the house.
#51 (@reggietricker, 2019)

The truth is, storage can be bloody expensive. Daylight must occasionally be sacrificed
#50 (@coffeeheadaches, 2015)

We're half way. So it's time to salute everyone working for the NHS. We owe you so much.
#49 (@SeanWHughes, 2012)

This image just screams "Man cave". #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#48 (@hatwell, 2014)

As Andy WIlliams didn't sing, but should have: "It's The Most Dangerous Tiiiiiime Of The Year" #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#47 (@nkoleszar, 2017)

I think this is our first "increased likelihood of banging head" pictures, one of my favourite categories #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#46 (unknown, 2015) While we're in the danger zone, someone sent me this in 2015. I've no idea who – they may have deleted their Twitter account – but it's too good not to post. #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#45 (@BushellLD, 2019)

If you behave yourself next year, you too may be allowed a traditional Swedish Christmas in 2021 #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#44 (@msleedy, 2016)

Rather wonderfully, the music on the stand appears to be "The Entertainer" #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#43 (@NicoleSykes_, 2015)

"You'll find the bed that you're not allowed to sleep in in the spare room" #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#42 (@Bristol_Jane, 2015)

Burned by the radiator or brained by the desk? The choice is yours. #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#41 (@lkreitzman, 2016)

The only appearance of a pet in the #duvet100 countdown is reserved for this mightily pissed off cat. #duvetknowitschristmas
We're into the top 40! So just a reminder that @Crisis_UK would welcome any donations towards the fight against homelessness. Here's a JustGiving link: justgiving.com/fundraising/du…
#40 (@laura_frankland, 2017)

All hail the split-level miniature bedroom 🥰 #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#39 (@_SPJ_, 2017)

Never try playing table football when it's propped up on its side, one team will have a distinct advantage #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#38 (@Lemonshaped_roc, 2019)

#nuclearsanta covers it

#duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#37 (@tashmanefc, 2016)

Those who are working on Christmas Eve have to be resourceful #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#36 (@EmerTheScreamer, 2015)

Emer and I are distantly related. We also share a fear of tax bills #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#35 (@charliechar, 2016)

I like to imagine their entire Christmas is like this, with TURKEY branded on the turkey, etc #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#34 (@annabirdfr, 2018)

"I'm off to the loo, do you fancy coming along?" #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#33 (@Alby, 2016)

It's been quite the year. Tonight, their expressions are entirely appropriate #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#32 (@serenab_, 2015)

"For we have seen his star in the East, and have come to worship him" #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#31 (@IsSheFiona, 2014)

For Christmas larks, empty all the boxes out into one enormous bin bag and THEN try and do the jigsaws #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#30 (@IanLambeth, 2016)

Ah yes, "The Library". the BIBLI-NO-THEQUE. #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#29 (@h2osarah, 2018)

Sheer terror almost stopped me from posting Myrtle, but I've had a stiff drink, so here she is #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#28 (@HelloAmyHello, 2015)

Minimal. No fuss. Festive. #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#27 (@rm_lloyd, 2016)

The longer you look at this, the funnier it is. Especially fascinated by the small door #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#26 (@WrongJill, 2018)

Traditional family humour hits the back of the net #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#25 (@twinpeaksgiant, 2013)

I can almost hear the hum of the fridge... #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#24 (@k_musgr, 2017)

... and, indeed, the hum of the chest freezer #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#23 (@fongchau, 2014)

Nothing says "welcome home" quite like a home-grown courgette #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#22 (@rodger_davies, 2015)

I don't know why Rodger's grandmother has a 60s detective mannequin, and I don't care, I'm just delighted she does #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#21 (@annamelville, 2017)

Stuffed with a sage and onion flannel, I hope #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
OK, it's top 20 time! If you can spare a dime or two for @Crisis_uk, please donate here: justgiving.com/fundraising/du… #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#20 (@AnnaYearley, 2019)

Privacy can be hard to come by during a family Christmas, but it's even harder with a shower like this #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#19 (@alexandra_wall, 2013)

Are we not all, in a sense, in storage? #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#18 (@great_defector, 2016)

As I remember, this story ran for a number of years, but this was the thrilling prologue #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#17 (@Helenfsmallwood, 2014)

Band practice has been postponed until the 2nd January #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#16 (@craigsteeps, 2015)

This has to be the coldest #duvetknowitschristmas picture ever sent. I feel chilly just looking at it. #duvet100
#15 (@mattdparry, 2015)

I've written a fantastic Xmas cockney knees-up tune with the chorus "On an airbed in the shed, under a punch baaaaag", and I should really record it. #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#14 (@laurabentley) 2015)

"And why is it called the butterfly room?" "You'll see." #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#13 (@hellohoperator, 2015)

#guantanamoduvet #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#12 (@Dirkus17, 2018)

Rather like an Escher drawing, this picture is mesmerising. If #11 is posted late, you'll know why. 👀 #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#11 (@dalecornish, 2019)

A whodunnit that grabbed the imagination of hundreds of people last year #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#10 (@sarahdal, 2018)

TOP TEN. I think this is my favourite ever caption. I hooted when it arrived, I hooted when I dug it out this week, and I'm hooting now. #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#9 (@skelington, 2016)

This room appeared two or three times over the years, and it never lost its capacity to astonish. WELCOME TO THE CELLAR #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#8 (@mattpearce01, 2016)

I'm fascinated to know who lost the toss, and indeed which bed was occupied by the person losing the toss #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#7 (@thecerrashow, 2017)

After years of being sent pictures of unused electronic drumkits, this was the the best Christmas 2017 present I could have wished for #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#6 (@grammarbureau, 2014)

A lack of taxis that year meant that baby niece had to stay over. She slept soundly in this comfy makeshift crib. I adore it. #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#5 (@FranksMildYears, 2014)

Every year, the equations change. But the family Christmas stays the same. #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#4 (@RobboRobson21, 2016)

This is what happens when your brother-in-law is an amateur puppeteer. Eeek. #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#3 (@spreadingthejoy, 2014)

I keep coming back to this, year after year. It's completely mundane but I find it screamingly funny. #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#2 (@JonnElledge, 2016) Oh, man. The dad who bought a show home and left the upstairs as it was. Your choice for Xmas night: a fictional teenage girl’s room or a fictional glamorous lady’s boudoir. #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100
#1 (@Duncan_Gates, 2015)

And here it is. Number One. I don't think any #duvetknowitschristmas picture made me laugh more than the Lemon Meringue Prison. It sums the whole thing up so beautifully. Grim, but also strangely touching. #duvet100
So, that's your lot! Apologies for any pictures I forgot about, and sorry if I got them in the wrong order. But it's a wonderful collection, no? #duvetknowitschristmas #duvet100

Oh, and before I shut the laptop: do *please* donate to Crisis if you can: justgiving.com/fundraising/du…
We're now going to get back to watching Dr Zhivago, which has been on pause since 7.45pm. Merry Xmas!
Hilariously, after all that, the version of Dr Zhivago on iPlayer stops 20 minutes before the end. Now having to buy it in order to see what happens.

PS – £13,929 raised? That's insane. Thank you so much.

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Rhodri Marsden Profile picture
11 May 19
This is a thread of interest to barely anyone, but that’s what Twitter’s all about, right? So, this is my bassoon. I’ve had it for 30-odd years. I don’t play it very often because there’s not much call for it. 1/5
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