As a Healthcare Worker (HCW), during the 1st wave of the pandemic, I was exhausted with feelings of being overwhelmed and impending doom. Running on adrenalin helped channel these feelings into preparation and care delivery. 1/7
The continued threat and the 2nd wave developed this into chronic exhaustion. More importantly, it also brought an overwhelming sensation that until now I have struggled with identifying. I now recognize that it is despair. Not a depressive despair nor a full loss of hope.
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Rather, a true existentialist despair in reaction to a breakdown relating to one’s identity. In this case (and I suspect many of my colleagues), it relates to our identity as HCWs. 3/7
We are highly trained individuals who have devoted much of our lives to improving the care of others, our communities, and the population at large. Yet it seems that few have been listening. Being prescient and correct brings no solace. 4/7
Instead, it intensifies these feelings of despair. This is exacerbated by providing exemplary care to everyone despite our constraints. I recognize that we may feel this on a daily basis during non-pandemic times, but it is the sheer scale and system effects that serve 5/7
as an intensifier. My hope is this feeling changes with a successful vaccine rollout. When reports are written on these dark days, we must recognize the poor choices, tradeoffs, and decisions we have made collectively and develop strategies to prevent their recurrence. 6/7
We owe our HCWs and our communities nothing less.
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