1/n On Loss. 2020 has been a hard year. It has been the hardest of my life so far. I lost my father, father-in-law and brother over the summer. I loved & miss all three. As I work through the losses, I am sharing thoughts & advice I received in the hope it may help others
2/n- Loss&Grief #1 “Be Strong” While I have tried to control intense emotions, it has also helped more to let them thru–the bad but also the good. Seeing my 9-year old still finding moments of laughter even when surrounded by deep grief has made me not feel guilty about smiling
3/n- Loss&Grief #2 Why me? I struggled with why we faced such unexpected losses. What have I done wrong to deserve this? Its taken a while to realize I am not special. Loss is truly a part of life & others experience it all the time. We are not special, but we are also not alone
4/n- Loss&Grief #3 Sharing. I have had my moments of wallowing in self-pity. But the more I did so, it paralyzed and put me in negative spirals. My wife’s advice and practice has been to lessen your grief by helping lessen that of others. That’s helped a lot more
.. will share more thoughts in the following days on my own evolution ...
5/n-Loss&Gratitude #1 Glass Half-Full. My dad was 85, my father-in-law 72, my brother 52. I yearned for even one more day with each. A friend (Abdullah) who’d lost his dad reminded me to be grateful for & cherish the many wonderful days I did have, not lament the one’s I didn’t
6/n-Loss&Gratitude #2 Your Life. Mornings were esp hard since they reminded me I wasn’t in a nightmare but facing reality. Till my cousin (Shazi) shared that each day when she gets up she gives thanks that she did. Life is a beautiful blessing &we get this wondrous gift every day
7/n-Loss&Gratitude #3 Your companions. Each loss came with days where I felt & did nothing. But each day a friend, a relative, a colleague, was there to listen, support & cover for me. It took great grief to realize how grateful I should be to have such giving companions .. TBC..
8/n-Accepting Loss #1 Rationalize? I kept trying to explain my loss–but doing the numbers didn’t help. The odds of losing 3 in a row are too low-yet it happened. Took me a while to realize no point trying to make sense of it all–things just happen–the question is what you do next
9/n-Accepting Loss #2 Death. I realize the only thing certain in life is death. But I’ve shied away from such morbid thoughts-life has so much to offer, so why accept death’s inevitability? But as more loved one pass, death seems less unwelcome & a place to be eventually reunited
10/n- Accepting Loss #3 Guidance. I am supposed to accept my loved ones are no longer here. But I can’t & don’t want to move on … just to move forward. I feel better thinking they are still around guiding me– not externally, but as a nurturing presence always inside me … TBC …
11/n–Loss&Change #1 Opportunity. Striving to find meaning, a friend(Shahid) noted history suggests we seldom change when things are well–it is moments of great loss&grief that force a rethink. Using our losses as an impetus for positive change can help provide the purpose we seek
12/n–Loss&Change #2 Commemorate. Grief for me has also been a bit selfish-I miss what my loved ones did for me & wonder who will do that now? A friend (Shaila) made me realize I will. She honors her lost ones by taking what she loved they did for her, and doing it for another
13/n–Loss&Change #3 What Matters. My father&brother were accomplished surgeons, my father-in-law a renowned artist. But at their funerals that wasn’t central. The love expressed was because of how they made others feel. Our relationships are not a means an end, but the end itself
14/n–Loss&Renewal #1 What lies ahead. The couplets on my father and brother’s graves (images below) reassure that there is more to life than just this one. Regardless of your beliefs, our loved ones are not gone but live on, still giving & inspiring us, soaring the heavens 
15/n–Loss&Renewal #2 Joyfulness. We seek work-life balance. My father-in-law taught me to instead savor every moment - from making an early morning sandwich to capturing nature’s glory. As I allow myself to find joy even/esp in the trivial, each day offers many moments of renewal
16/16–Loss&Renewal#3 Life Blossoms. My mother has lost so much (parents,siblings,friends,child). Yet in her room hangs my wife’s painting that gives her faith–even in deep darkness flowers bloom. No matter how we feel today, a rejuvenating new dawn awaits us all. Let’s embrace it
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