Thread by @TheEdVerse

I have a name @Madlockfreak
Hey Mr.Super Dm, I had an interest in the wedding rites in DnD. One of my characters plans on marrying a countess of Cromm's Hold. Are there established wedding rites I can look to? If it matters, the countess…

…reveres Tyr and Ilmater. With the second part being, as my character is a lowborn, currently the court physician, will he need to be granted Nobility before he would be eligible for marriage towards a highborn?

1)
I can’t speak for D&D in general, but only for the Realms. Wedding rites are one of the topics that’s seldom been covered in print due to wordcount being needed for wilder adventure encounters, and so as not to offend any…
#Realmslore

2)
…real-world religious beliefs. So there’s little to look to.
To answer your second, first, in Cromm’s Hold and other Heartlands communities, lowborns and nobility can freely marry without legal bar nor stigma, but the custom, ..
#Realmslore

3)
…for purposes of inheritance and legitimacy, is to confer upon the lowborn member of a couple their own title (“in their own right”) as well as whatever courtesy title they would acquire as consort. So IF the countess wants…
#Realmslore

4)
…her new husband to have the same authority in the county as she does, and this isn’t fiercely opposed by kin or other noble/wealthy/influential (like senior temple clergy) folk of the county, he would be ‘created’ Count to…
#Realmslore

5)
…match her title. This is customary, but not automatic (see real-world England: Queen Elizabeth II married Philip, a prince of Greece, but he didn’t become “king,” instead being styled “Prince Consort” because SHE is the…
#Realmslore

6)
…ruler, and the realm wants her to remain so). So in this case, the court physician may become Count, or may acquire some special title (“Lord Protector of Cromm’s Hold” or “Champion of Crown’s Hold, Knight Before Knights” or…
#Realmslore

7)
…some such), or may be styled with BOTH titles. (Your decision, based on how you see Cromm’s Hold viewing him. In this case, the Heralds are going to accept whatever’s decided locally.)
As far as wedding rites go, there’s a lot…
#Realmslore

8)
…of local variation. In this case, with Tyr and Ilmater involved, clergy of both those deities would likely officiate, as equals, and the ceremony would probably run along these lines:
The physician is dressed in “sackcloth”…
#Realmslore

9)
…(a crude garment made of an old sack with head- and arm-holes, worn as a tunic, over the naked body, barefoot) but escorted by burghers and senior guild members (masters, too), if any, with reverence, walking in two lines…
#Realmslore

10)
…on either side of him like bodyguards, through Cromm’s Hold to an outdoor public altar (market square?) where the priest of Ilmater waits. The priest would scourge him, then escort (lead) him to the priest of Tyr at HIS…
#Realmslore

11)
…outdoor public altar (in front of the home or keep of the countess, likely) where said priest would be holding a consecrated Sword of Justice. Which he’d hold edge up over the altar, and say a prayer to Tyr requesting a…
#Realmslore

12)
…blessing on the union, as the physician reaches out with his palm and slices himself (in a SMALL way!) with the edge of the blade; the priest catches any spilling blood in a consecrated bowl for later use (see hereafter). …
#Realmslore

13)
…The priest of Ilmater then knocks upon the door of the abode of the countess, and calls her forth (“Art desirous of union with the man who comes for thee?”)
#Realmslore

14)
…Her maidservants would open the door and escort her forth, she and they in finery, to the altar of Tyr where she’d nick her palm, blood in bowl as before, and she and the physician would then clasp their hands, bleeding palm…
#Realmslore

15)
…to bleeding palm, over the bowl but NOT over the altar, as the priest of Ilmater and the priest of Tyr in turn say prayers over their joined hands, then prompt them to their vows: the physician formally asks the countess…
#Realmslore

16)
…for her hand as an equal, “that our lives run as one, from this day forth,” and she accepts (“before the gods, and before all these good people”) and then they pledge personally to be each other’s partner and defender…
#Realmslore

17)
…(“I, XXXmy nameXXX, shall protect thee and succor thee, XXXpartner’s nameXXX, until my breath fails and the gods claim me, putting thy needs and comfort before mine own, and keeping no secret from thee, until the end of my…
#Realmslore

18)
…days, or until the gods set us apart, though I hereby pray they shall never do so”), they in unison touch each other’s lips with their own shed blood and then kiss each other, then the priests simultaneously heal their…
#Realmslore

19)
…palm-wounds (one priest for each), then any announcement of titles conferred on the physician is publicly made by the countess (and a fine robe thrown over his sackcloth by one of her maids or a member of her household), …
#Realmslore

20)
…then the countess requests that anyone who “smiles upon this our union” drinks to them, and then servers distribute goblets of wine to everyone so the toasts can be made (traditionally, the mother of the bride toasts…
#Realmslore

21)
…first, then the father of the bride, then mother of the groom, then father of the groom, then senior noble present, then any other important noble head of house or designate, then mayor (or seneschal or head of local…
#Realmslore

22)
…lawkeepers if there’s no mayor), then guildmasters or any mercantile head; the priests never lead any toasts, and anyone in this list who’s dead or doesn’t exist in the community is simply omitted (and if there are fierce…
#Realmslore

23)
…rivalries among guildmasters or nobility over precedence, they toast in unison to avoid any trouble), whereupon the householder/host (in this case, the countess) bids all present to “break bread with us,” and the feasting…
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24)
…begins. Which is an informal party that goes on and on, and usually involves much telling of tales, drinking, and so on; the married couple usually circulate among the revelers to chat (and traditionally, receive…
#Realmslore

25)
…well-wishes), and then slip away to a bedchamber (the tradition is to consummate the union, but often, once the bedchamber door closes, it’s just to take their footwear off and nap on the bed in peace and quiet). …
#Realmslore

26)
… By tradition, the local herald “cries” (publicly proclaims) any new styles and titling of the couple the next morning, when they first emerge from wherever they spent the night. If folks have traveled to attend, they…
#Realmslore

27)
…customarily linger for the following day and night, with the wedded couple providing hospitality (if commoners wed, often the local lord provides this in his/her “big house”), and that’s when gifts, if any, are given by…
#Realmslore

28)
…the attendees and received by the newlyweds. And that’s it.
(Other clergy resident in the community or who happen to be there, by tradition, “stand as witness” in the crowd, and would take part in the ceremony if either of…
#Realmslore

29)
…the wedding couple is pledged to their deity in some way—so in this case, if the physician had been trained at a temple, or worked at one, or had taken holy vows to a deity [even if not followed up on to become a priest], a…
#Realmslore

30)
…cleric of that deity would take part in the ceremony, if available. For folks who don’t revere any deity over others, any clergy can officiate, and the rites morph a bit to fit the ceremonies of the particular deity.)
#Realmslore