thinking more about why this line from @flameswallower's story bodied me so hard:
https://twitter.com/outliersgeorg/status/1345008013241774082
Some of my central adult personality features are built as reaction against living like that - "not knowing what [I am] but...instinctively that [I need] to keep it a secret". I repeatedly root out the impulse to keep the weirdness in my soul buried for the comfort of normies
like, you can know I'm a weird monster and not want to see every second of it, that's fine, but I needs must be continually loud about *being* a weird monster for reasons that this tweet also obliquely reminded me of today.
https://twitter.com/mykola/status/1345074707717099523?s=20
Nobody gets to pretend they're hanging out with me because I'm normal, I will break that kayfabe *for* you
you ARE allowed to pretend you like my weirdness better than you actually do, experience says you'll eventually either get tired of that or I'll gradually recruit you :^)
you ARE allowed to pretend you like my weirdness better than you actually do, experience says you'll eventually either get tired of that or I'll gradually recruit you :^)
That was the power position I haplessly learned to occupy, as a kid, in a social sphere otherwise stacked against me: I could be SO weird that attempts to fuck with me fell flat and ppl low-key envied my confidence.
(My 8th grade friends in 6th grade helped me find this path by example. Liana especially, if you're out there somewhere, thank you.)
(anyway, this thread obviously contains personal ruminations but feel free to rt from it if anything speaks to you! I am comfortable sharing, and if I wasn't, I'd put it on my locked account.)
also, some of the words might sound bitter but in talking about it, my dominant emotion is pride in where I came from, pride in & fierce loyalty toward others who came from similar and different alienations.
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