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The Hoarse Whisperer Profile picture
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2 Jan, 5 tweets, 2 min read
Jenna, you are a failed traffic court lawyer homeschooled by parents who think dinosaurs were Jesus Horses.

The high-water mark of your career was getting spritzed with Rudy’s fecal spray in a televised hearing like it was a perfume sample at Nordstrom’s.
And Jenna Ellis is about 5 years younger than Molly.

So, add math to the list of things at which Ellis is an abject fucking failure.
Some Jenna Ellis fun-facts:

Started her college career pursuing journalism... at a school with no journalism program.

Married to a guy who calls himself a singing minister. His speciality is corny YouTube videos denying evolution.

Even Teddy Roosevelt knew Jenna was a dope.
Evergreen.

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More from @TheRealHoarse

The Hoarse Whisperer Profile picture
3 Jan
I’ve had a couple Guinness so I am just the right level of disinhibited to lay out why I am white-hot with incandescent aggrievement about that dumb Bean Dad mother****** and the people defending him.

Buckle up. Turbulence may occur in flight.

1/
If nothing else, this will allow people to understand me better. Some will like me more; some will like me less. I do not remotely care which camp people fall into.

I had a fucked up childhood. It was an insidious kind of fucked up. Not physically abusive in a way that “counts”.
I spent weekends hostage to a depressed, alcoholic father in a small New York City apartment.

In summer, if the apartment windows were open when I came back from the schoolyard across the street and I could hear music playing too loud, it was going to be a long night.

3/
Read 20 tweets
The Hoarse Whisperer Profile picture
3 Jan
I grew up in New York City. By 8 years old, I was on my own after school; home alone with my sister two nights a week; cooking dinner in a gas oven by myself; and doing my own laundry.

The people in my mentions talking about how “Bean Dad” was just “teaching”...

1/
...his 9-year old a valuable life lesson by refusing to show her how to open a can have no idea what the fuck they’re talking about.

Bean Dad could have written a post about his day that said “taught my daughter how to use a can opener and then we did a puzzle together.”

2/
He *could have* walked his child through getting to the root of their actual problem - being hungry - and solving it.

He *could have* used his internet access to teach his child how to seek information to solve problems.

“Siri: how does a can opener work?”

3/
Read 6 tweets
The Hoarse Whisperer Profile picture
31 Dec 20
This is the most significant window into Trump’s psychology since the election.

He is so gravely wounded by his loss, even the usual protections a narcissist employs aren’t saving him.

1/
The pattern for Trump has always been the exact same without deviation.

When faced with a public humiliation, he 1) broods; 2) scapegoats; 3) adopts a face-saving excuse; and 4) gets back on his feet.

He isn’t reaching #4.

2/
It is remarkable and striking.

He is so debilitated by the public humiliation of having lost, he can’t even function in the dysfunctional way he used to...

Normally, he’d be posturing about how his loss was actually somehow a win for him. He’d be claiming he benefitted.

3/
Read 12 tweets
The Hoarse Whisperer Profile picture
30 Dec 20
Last week, Cooper hit me up to tell me his nephew was doing a living concert on YouTube and was expecting only a few family members to join.

200+ of us showed up. It was a blast. Felt like being out at a little bar with your friends.

Well, Gary is doing another show at 7 ET.

1
I am going to be there.

Wanna pull up a virtual seat at the bar and join me?

Should be fun.

Correction: Cooper DMed me about HER nephew.

Sorry about misgendering you, Cooper!
Read 4 tweets
The Hoarse Whisperer Profile picture
27 Dec 20
What is even happening.

My feed has already been like the Hallmark Channel for the last couple days.

And then, I just bumped into someone I knew I recognized. Took me a minute. It was this guy... Steelers sweatshirt.

1/
I said “Hey, I know you...”

He just looked at me in my mask blankly.

“About a year ago, we were at the bar the day you decorated your tree... Your son came later.”

I figured it was one of those moments one person remembers vastly better than the other.

2/
Then he looked at me a little closer to place me. Eyes went wide, big smile under his mask.

“Heyyy... how are you? How is your mom? She’s right over here, right? (points in the direction of her house)”

3/
Read 5 tweets
The Hoarse Whisperer Profile picture
27 Dec 20
I have a little story that I have now drafted and deleted multiple times because I can't seem to do it justice.

So, I am going to strip it down to the barest of details and just let it fly unedited.

Bear with me. It will be worth the ride, I hope.

1/
If you follow me, you have probably seen my endless posts about trying to find a PlayStation 5 (PS5).

Originally, I was looking for one for my son. I found one for him two weeks ago.

Since then, I have been looking for one for someone else.

An old friend.

2/
Jen and I have known each other 30 years.

We shared a mutual close friend in our 20s. We weren't close but hung out when we all met up at bars.

I've seen her once in 15 yrs. Bumped into her at Starbucks.

Were it not for Facebook, we would have entirely lost touch long ago.

3/
Read 21 tweets

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