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Slava Malamud Profile picture
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5 Jan, 8 tweets, 2 min read
The best Kazakhstani player of all time is Evgeni Nabokov. But, like Antropov, he is an ethnic Russian. The best Kazakh is Talgat Zhailauov.
The best Latvian of all time is Helmuts Balderis. This is not in dispute.
Best Lithuanian: Darius Kasparaitis
Best Belarusian: Mikhail Grabovski
Best Spaniard: Valeri Kharlamov
Best Tatar: Danis Zaripov
Best Jew: well... it pains me to say but Evgeni Malkin and Vladimir Myshkin are both quite, quite goyishe. We'll have to go with Panarin.
Panarin is at least quarter Jewish. His maternal grandfather bears the amazing name of Vladimir Ilyich Levin.
Though, of course, Wayne Gretzky could also contend for the best Belarusian of all time. I mean, if he wanted to.
Ovechkin and Malkin are a tough choice for the best Mordovian player of all time.
Alexei Zhitnik is, of course, the best Ukrainian, since I will not count Russians with Ukrainian last names (Konovalenko, Kovalev, Kovalchuk, Tarasenko) in this category.
And it should go without saying that, despite the country's recent progress in hockey, the best Swiss player of all time is still, with an enormous margin, Pavel Bure.
The best Armenian: sorry, Zach Bogosian, but you couldn't carry the jock of Grigory Mkrtychyan. Primarily because the 5'0" goalie of the 1950s Soviet team probably never wore one.
And, for the tour-de-force: the best Ukrainian-Inuit player of all time is, with a gargantuan margin, @Jtootoo22.

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More from @SlavaMalamud

Slava Malamud Profile picture
8 Jan
To all you media types who still think we need to talk to Trump voters, understand them, hear them. Can I save you a bit of trouble? Here is a (short, I promise) thread about who they are, what they want and where they are coming from.
It's not complicated, either...
My bio says "sports writer", and this is what I used to be (and still am, occasionally), but my full time job is a public school teacher. I teach in Baltimore, in low-income areas. One of my former jobs was in a mostly white, working-class community, full of rabid Trumpers...
This was probably the worst job I ever had, which had little to do with the community or the kids and a lot to do with admin, but that's beside the point. The kids all came from very poor, very dysfunctional families, rife with drugs, abuse and violence. Many were unmanageable...
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Slava Malamud Profile picture
6 Jan
The biggest danger of shrewd, unprincipled demagogues their utter lack of self-reflection and shame. And if those of them who also lack brains, like Trump, at least amplify their evil nature with poison and viciousness, crafty ones, like Cruz, will climb the high horse in a jiffy
This vile, despicable vermin has assumed the role of the chief "owner of libs" ever since was so foolishly ushered into Congress. To say that he has treated "half the country that doesn't agree" with him with contempt is to say nothing.
Yet he dares to lecture us on unity!
He has called the other side every name in the book, slandered and ridiculed everyone in the other half of the nation, cursed them for communists and baby-killers, yet he dares to lecture us on civility!
Read 6 tweets
Slava Malamud Profile picture
22 Dec 20
For those under a rock, the @navalny poisoning story has developed in an absolutely bonkers way. The Russian opposition leader didn't only successfully identify the entire Putin assassin squad, he managed to contact one of his would-be killers, interview him and make him confess!
By the way, this picture is pure Russia. This is Navalny, shortly after being poisoned by Novichok, one of the most horrifically deadly substances known to man, talking to one of his assassins.
It's fucking insane.
In the background is the brilliant @christogrozev, a Bulgarian investigative journalist from @bellingcat who unraveled the entire mystery. This is one of the most dazzling investigative works you will ever encounter.
Here is how Christo reacts to the killer's confession.
Read 8 tweets
Slava Malamud Profile picture
21 Dec 20
Why is Trump the worst President ever, you ask. It's actually pretty easy to prove. Much easier than most proofs in my Geometry class.
(Thread)
First of all, let's agree on this. With the exception of only a few Presidents, most are remembered for one or two things. No more...
Quick, name two things Calvin Coolidge is known for! Fuck it, name one. James Monroe is known for the doctrine, Herbert Hoover for the market crash.
50 years from now, Obama will be known for:
1) being the first black president,
2) getting health care passed.
Pretty much it...
Everyone loves Lincoln (well, except for our Great States down in the Real Americaland), but besides winning the Civil War, what else do you know him for? A few of you will know the income tax. Very few about the whole habeas corpus unpleasantness. Most won't...
Read 20 tweets
Slava Malamud Profile picture
20 Dec 20
I have previously said that sports journalism is one of the most drinking professions in Russia. Don't you think for a second that I don't come bearing receipts.
Explainer to this video is in the thread below.
I have discovered this stunning historical document on my camera shortly after the 2008 Olympics in Beijing. It was shot by my friend and colleague @dzichEV while I was out covering boxing. It depicts the end of a busy Olympic workday in the press center office of @sportexpress
My editor, teacher and mentor Vladimir Geskin (with whom I am, tragically, no longer on speaking terms) is commenting on the rather stark and obvious differences between the journalistic elites of Russia and Ukraine (you guess who are who)...
Read 4 tweets
Slava Malamud Profile picture
16 Dec 20
Fascinating replies.
Thing is, we grew up with a very different concept of the American culture. Now, there was some overlap (Westerns, Hemingway, Moby Dick, Uncle Tom, Mark Twain), but these four are examples of authors way more popular in the USSR than in their native country..
Now, most people have heard of Cooper, but it's mostly due to The Last of the Mohicans, while in Russia, his entire body of work was hugely popular. I read Deerslayer when I was 8. There are people back there who know the Susquehanna River only because of his novels...
Mayne Reid was an absolute icon for Soviet boys. Ask anyone in Russia about the Headless Horseman, and they will talk about Reid's novel and not about Washington Irving's Sleepy Hollow. The reason, most likely, is that he was much easier to translate...
Read 5 tweets

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