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Kevin Gannon Profile picture
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5 Jan, 4 tweets, 2 min read
The Vice President has the power to change the national anthem to "Work, Bitch."
The Vice President has the power to seize jellybean factories via eminent domain.
The Vice President has the power to conduct all replay reviews for the NFL Wild Card round.
The Vice President has the power to change it back to two spaces after a period.

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More from @TheTattooedProf

Kevin Gannon Profile picture
1 Jan
Play?
RRAAWWRR
Now iz time for skritches
Read 4 tweets
Kevin Gannon Profile picture
29 Dec 20
Everyone thinks education is important until it's time to cut the check.
One of my former students, a few years ago, started a teaching gig in rural Iowa (where she was also expected to coach) for $24.5K. The critics like to point to senior teachers in large urban areas when they talk about teacher salaries, but the real story is right here.
If we keep electing people who say government is the problem to positions within said government, this is what we get: the evisceration of the public good so Chad and Karen have a low tax bill on their lake house.
Read 4 tweets
Kevin Gannon Profile picture
3 Dec 20
Aaand we're off.
Read 28 tweets
Kevin Gannon Profile picture
2 Dec 20
Several times a day, I stop short and remember that there's a (rapidly-worsening) pandemic and my state and national government's strategy for preventing large-scale sickness and death is basically "wear a mask if you want, but we're not gonna really stop doing stuff."
Like, Iowa's Covid numbers are exponentially worse than they were in March, our hospitals are full, a couple dozen people die every day, and most folks around here are like "yeah, but I got tired of quarantine, so..."
I can understand wanting to pretend things are normal; I guess that's a natural response. But when you say "everything is OK; our numbers still look good," I feel like I should point out that those "numbers" are actual sick and dead people. Any number > 0 is...not good!!
Read 9 tweets
Kevin Gannon Profile picture
29 Nov 20
Every suburban, mall-hopping non-mask-wearing, Applebee's-crowding Republican in central Iowa drives a $50K crew-cab pickup and none of them know how to park it. Meanwhile, actual farmers drive a 15-year-old F150 because they don't need to impress anyone in the Lowe's parking lot
Just because you go to Lowe's every weekend doesn't mean you're a contractor, Kyle.
And stop trying to back into every goddamn parking space when you can barely keep your truck off the sidewalk making a right turn
Read 4 tweets
Kevin Gannon Profile picture
29 Sep 20
He says, standing in front of a propane grill...dude hasn't cooked for himself in his life
And look at the dials--the thing ain't even on.
I mean, just go to a real BBQ joint and take a picture of your dinner--save yourself the embarrassment. Stick to your strengths.
Read 4 tweets

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