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Michael Govern Ready Profile picture
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6 Jan, 7 tweets, 2 min read
Love this picture.
Crew!
@andreajenkyns, Great MP!
Jacob Rees-Mogg, Christ's messenger in Somerset. Great judge of character.
He wasn't wrong!
Good old Phil!
Anyway God bless Donald Trump, a force for good in the world if ever there was one.

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More from @mikegove12

Michael Govern Ready Profile picture
7 Jan
My interview with Donald Trump. A memory:

When I arrived in his office he pointed at a small pile of cocaine on his desk. I was horrified. A British guest should never impose like that.

"No thanks, I've brought my own." I said. Image
He grabbed my crotch.

"So, is that a B17 in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me Jeff?"

"Mike." I corrected. "And its an erection." You could feel the electricity in the room.

Not wanting to be too forward but fully aware the special relationship needed maintaining,
I asked if I could massage his shoulders. He agreed.

"Do you think your incessant debasement of standards, associations with racists and paedophiles, and utter unsuitability for presidency, will have a negative effect on American politics?"

He passed me the Kentucky Bourbon
Read 5 tweets
Michael Govern Ready Profile picture
8 Dec 20
A Christmas Carol.

Chapter Two.

A breakfast serialisation by Michael Govern Ready and Charles Dickens.

With artwork by

@MrJunkerBarlow

1/4
2/4
3/4
Read 4 tweets
Michael Govern Ready Profile picture
7 Dec 20
A Christmas Carol.

A breakfast serialisation by Michael Govern Ready and Charles Dickens.

With artwork by @Michelangela75.

1/4 Image
2/4 Image
3/4 Image
Read 6 tweets
Michael Govern Ready Profile picture
3 Dec 20
The secret blog of Dominic Cummings, aged 13¾

Dec 3rd

My parents are eating different things at different times. I am eating six meals a day because I don’t want to hurt their feelings.

Dec 4th

We had our measles jabs at school today. Dr Whitty came to give them out during
double maths. Mr Hancock insisted he administer the doses using the syringes his neighbour made out of Meccano and repurposed Christmas tree decorations. Des Swayne in 4C went mental and started screaming “You’re not putting that shit in me, wake up sheeple,
its all part of the plandemic, they’re injecting microchips from Amstrad computers and we’re all going to end up in a Treasure Island Dizzy computer game”. In the end the PE teachers Mr Mercer and Mr Tugendhat had to put him in a choke hold until Dr Van Tam had injected it.
Read 9 tweets
Michael Govern Ready Profile picture
2 Dec 20
The secret blog of Dominic Cummings, aged 13¾

Dec 2nd

Michael Gove went on local radio to talk about our school this morning. We listened over breakfast. He lied a lot and contradicted everything he had said when he went on last time, but he was swanning around the playground
at break like David Essex, bragging that he could sell ice to the Eskimos or off-shore tax arrangements to Tory donors. So at lunch Barry Kent graffitied ‘Michael Gove is the universe boss’ on Mr Johnson’s Nissan Prairie to see if he could talk his way out of that.
Dec 3rd

Michael Gove has been suspended. He is making me go to his house at lunchtime to report on any political manoeuvering in the playground. I missed my lunch, but Mrs Coffey the dinner lady was very kind and kept my meal hot for me. Four Scotch Eggs. She
Read 7 tweets
Michael Govern Ready Profile picture
1 Dec 20
The secret blog of Dominic Cummings, aged 13¾

Dec 1st

Mr Starmer the head of the PTA says we’re all going to have to eat turnips every day because Mr Johnson hasn’t been able to negotiate a new fish tank since we left the local education authority. Mr Johnson says
that’s fine because he’s still headmaster.

Dec 2nd

Mother wouldn’t give me a note to get out of sports today so I left my sports clothes at home. The PE teacher Mr Mercer made me run home to get them. The dog followed me out of the house. When I got to school it
joined in the football lesson. Even Mr Mercer was laughing until it punctured the ball. Then he shot it.

Dec 3rd

Laurence Fox in the lower sixth is in trouble because he invited loads of his annoying friends into the common room during the nits outbreak. Everyone is saying
Read 7 tweets

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