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Holly Figueroa O'Reilly Profile picture
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8 Jan, 4 tweets, 2 min read
I've read, but cannot confirm, that said Trump supporter was attempting to steal a painting of Tip O'Neill, tased his nuts, and died from a heart attack.

Trying really, really hard not to make any testicle puns.
You guys, he accidentally tasered himself in the balls to death.

While he was stealing a painting of...wait for it...

Tip O'Neill.

Tip.

I'm sorry. I'm going to hell.

But come on.

"Hey, brother, you want me to grab this painting of Lincoln?"

"Nah, bro, just the Tip."

My 17 year old decided to make the puns for me.

My favorite part is where he felt like he had to tell me they were "electricity puns". 🤣🤣🤣

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More from @AynRandPaulRyan

Holly Figueroa O'Reilly Profile picture
4 Jan
"I didn't wear a mask.

I should've.

I didn't.

I believed it was just the flu.

That it was all going to to go away.

That it was political.

I didn't think a mask would help."

#WearAMask
"My paramedic said, 'if masks don't help, why do front line workers get it at a lower rate than the rest of society?'

You don't want to end up like me.

I'm having trouble breathing.

I will get intubated if I get any worse.

It's so hard to breathe."

"It affects every person different.

If it affects you the way it affects me, you don't want it.

If wearing a mask can reduce your chance of getting this even by 5%, wear a mask.

Do it for your children.
Do it for your loved ones.
Do it for yourself."

Read 5 tweets
Holly Figueroa O'Reilly Profile picture
2 Jan
Thought about posting a thread of Rudy Giuliani making an ass out of himself but I think Twitter has a limit on how many tweets you can put into a thread.

But I'm going to give it a shot. 1/
Rudy Giuliani being an idiot.
Forget it, I got bored. Rudy Giuliani bores the shit out of me.

Instead, here's a photo of my adorable mother @MaryAliceinOhio with the scarf and blanket I made for her for Christmas.

(No, she's not my sister, but yes! She looks super young and gorgeous.) Image
Read 4 tweets
Holly Figueroa O'Reilly Profile picture
19 Dec 20
It's time for GUESS THAT RECIPE!

What am I making with these ingredients?

And yes, it really is just these 4 ingredients. And what these ingredients make is kind of spectacular if you know what you're doing. (I do not. I made it for the first time and it is...well, you'll see.)
As soon as someone guesses correctly, I will post photos and recipe!

Wow, lots of folks guess macarons and marzipan, two things I've never made before. It's not either of those things, but now I want to try them...
Read 7 tweets
Holly Figueroa O'Reilly Profile picture
3 Dec 20
Something is beeping in my house and it's driving me nuts.

I've ruled out the usual suspects. No electronics or appliances.

Called my son downstairs to make sure it's not in my head.

He hears it, too, but we can't find the source.

Clearly, I need to burn my house down now.
It's not the smoke alarm.

Trust me, when that piece of shit gets low on batteries, it is very distinctive.

Nope, but that was a good guess. I'm literally walking around my house checking everything that's plugged in or has batteries, starting with major appliances.
Read 10 tweets
Holly Figueroa O'Reilly Profile picture
29 Nov 20
Okay, time for a recipe quiz!

Based on this photo, what am I making? (Measured out: Jameson, honey, and heavy cream.)

First person to get it right gets a prize!*

*there is no prize
Yes! I’m making home made Irish Cream akin to Bailey’s, Carolans, or...O’Reilly’s!
Yep! It's sooo easy.

Read 4 tweets
Holly Figueroa O'Reilly Profile picture
24 Nov 20
Pennsylvania is certified and I'm going to spend my day making pecan, apple, and sweet potato pies for an extreme-social-distance Thanksgiving dinner with our 5 kids so y'all have a great day and I'll see you back here next Monday. ♥️ (Details on social distancing in thread.)🧵
Hey, Boston Globe.

Totally ready for this.

We are having our Thanksgiving dinner outdoors, and if it rains (this is Seattle, after all), we will be having it in the garage with the garage door open and a space heater.

spokesman.com/stories/2020/n…
Read 4 tweets

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