Thread by @PGeeman

1. Hello, and welcome! It's episode 324 of #MrMrsBetterHalf. Mr and Mrs BetterHalf is designed to strengthen marriages, and relationships that will lead to marriage, with wisdom from God's word.

2. Today’s discussion is “To date or not to date: a guide.” Being in limbo about whether or not to date someone can be frustrating, especially if there is some attraction.

3. However, deciding this depends on what you call “dating” in the first place. What is the traditional definition of dating?
Dating is the process of being involved in a relationship where both parties are consciously looking out for compatibilities that may lead to marriage.

4. But when you stretch it to an avenue of making friends with benefits, you are destroying the purpose. Dating is not an end in itself, it should be a means to an end.

5. Nowadays, dating has become a loose term. People who are pursuing a romantic relationship can be said to be dating. Dating is a good idea when based on the premise of hanging out with someone for the purpose of getting to know them and gauging their suitability for marriage.

6. In urban centres, making friends or building communities can be tough. It is, therefore, necessary for some people to deliberately explore opportunities to meet seeming strangers and get to know them

7. Some people are fortunate enough to meet people at work, church, social clubs etc. & can develop relationships from these constant interactions, but that is not the case for others who don’t meet people in their everyday circles & have to date to meet and get to know people.

8. That said, getting to know people better to decipher whether or not to have relationships with them requires boundaries. These are essential if you want to get to know people in social settings.

9. If you want to make an informed decision on marriage or building a relationship, you need to have defined boundaries. How do you define boundaries without looking like you dumped a set of rules and regulations on others?

10. Here are some tips to define boundaries without making potential friendships or personal relationships tedious:

11. A) Define your aim and objective for dating. What kind of person can I see myself with? This is why dating websites have algorithms that try to match people who are compatible together.

12. Some people are simply not worth your time. If you don’t share the same values, don’t have similar goals, etc.; you may safely conclude that a future with such a person may not be a good idea.

13. Don’t be desperate and settle for a person that isn’t compatible with you because you just want to date or be in a relationship or get married. That said, don’t be a serial dater – not every new person you meet is a potential partner.

14. You’ll meet people along the way whom you will be friends with; some will impact your career or business; others may introduce you to people they know you may be more compatible with.

15. It is dangerous to file every single person you meet under “potential spouse/partner”. Know yourself, know what you want and be clear about going for it. It’s not about quantity but quality.

16. You don’t have to date 20 people to find the right one, simply be clear on what you want from the get-go and the wrong ones will naturally filter away.

17. B) Have ground rules. You can meet up in neutral, safe places and at reasonable times. Don’t invite strangers into your home and don’t visit strangers at home. If you are not comfortable with something, say it from the start.

18. Don’t be a booty-call date where people only text or call you at midnight or to “chill” with them at home without a chaperone. Don’t engage in lewd or non-progressive conversations. Have personal and mutual respect.

19. C) Decide your pace. Don’t go too fast too soon. At the same time, don’t move at a snail’s pace without a sense of what you’re doing. Have clear conversations about what you are doing, where you think it’s headed and whatever your concerns may be.

20. Don’t play the Ostrich because you’re trying to avoid conflict.

21. It is better to deal with issues head-on and know if there is a future for both of you than to ignore issues only for them to raise their heads further down the road when you have invested more into the relationship.

22. D) Manage your emotions. Your feelings - excitement, annoyance, attraction, etc. need to be managed. Set deliberate boundaries that help you overcome temptation. It is natural to be attracted to someone, but it is your responsibility to handle your emotions.

23. E) Have people who share your values hold you responsible. You must be accountable to people – your friends, mentors, older siblings or leaders. Does anyone know what you are up to per time?

24. This keeps you grounded and helps you stay focused. It is easy to slip if no one knows what you are doing or will ask you about it. Remember, take ownership and responsibility.

25. If you get to know the person and you mutually decide that marriage might be something worth looking into, let it become clear that you are in a serious relationship. This keeps you accountable still.

26. Don’t indulge in secret relationships so that you can continue “dating” other people in hopes of finding someone “better”. Work on building a friendship with this person. Don’t rush it, take your time and let things evolve.

27. The most important thing to know is that this is an opportunity to know someone and vice versa. It may or may not work because not everyone will be compatible with you.

28. Also, not everybody is ready for dating. If you are not ready for the things that dating should evolve into i.e. courtship or marriage, stop trying to date. Dating is not a quick fix for loneliness.

29. I hope this has been helpful to you. I will be back next week with another topic. Until then, thanks for following, participating and RTing. May your marriages and relationships be sweet!