Thread by @JoLuehmann

9 myths on why sex has to wait until marriage:

❌It honors God’s word.

The Bible is filled with all kids of both healthy and unhealthy sex. Mostly unhealthy. At the very least it has institutionalized r*ape, sexual assault, men practicing polygamy, sex with enslaved women,
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incest, and also sex between a married hetero couple, sex with sex workers, and maybe even sex between two men.

❌Less “emotional baggage.”

“Emotional baggage” doesn’t come from having ser before or after marriage. It also doesn’t come from having multiple sexual partners.

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Emotional trauma related to sex comes from not having adequate information and education in regards to sex and sexually, as well as from sexual assault and sexual abuse (purity culture is sexual psychological abuse).

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❌Sex is a gift.

Sex is not a gift you give to your spouse. It is something you do for relational, recreational and/or reproductive purposes. Also even if it were a gift, you can that gift to your partner anytime, a good gift is a good gift whether you are married or not.
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❌It protects your heart.

Your heart will not be harmed if you have healthy sex outside of marriage, healthy sexuality doesn’t cause trauma. The only reason people believe having sex outside or marriage will “hurt your heart,” is because we were sold the romantic misguided
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idea that a relationship is a failure if it ends (a relationship is only a failure if it’s abusive, some relationships don’t end due to abuse but for good, appropriate reasons), and we’ve been told marriage is forever (obviously we know this isn’t true).
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❌Sex should not be why you marry.

Sex indeed should not be the deciding factor in who you date or marry, there is a lot more to a healthy consensual relationship than sex. Thinking you have to marry to be able to have healthy sexual relationships with another person,
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is actually making sex a deciding factor. Sexual compatibility is something that should be discussed and considered when choosing a serious partner.

❌It’s better to build a healthy foundation.

Having sex before marriage does not mean you are building a
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relational foundation on sex. Sex is not just about physical intimacy. You can have sex and also build a strong relational foundation.

❌It made my marriage better.

While personal experience should never be denied, it is dangerous to make universal law based on

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personal experience. Your personal decisions and choices are yours and are valid so log as they don’t hurt anybody. But your personal choices being right for you is not the same as your personal choice being right for everyone.
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❌Your virginity is precious.
Virginity is a concept we invented as a society. When you have penetrative sex for the first time you don’t lose anything or gain anything. It doesn’t change your identity. It doesn’t “make you a man,” it doesn’t diminish your worth.

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❌You should only have a “soul tie” with your spouse.
Soul ties don’t exist. The only place they are mentioned in the Bible is to reference the relationship between David and Jonathan. Moreover you don’t have to only fall in love or enjoy a relationship once,
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it’s normal to develop a relationship with more than one person in a lifetime. Those who feel jealous of a previous partner need to deal with their insecurities, not shame you for having had a partner before them.

Here an old thread on fornication and sex positivity.

https://twitter.com/joluehmann/status/1277752288488984576