1. Hello and welcome. It's episode 325 of your favourite relationship series #MrMrsBetterHalf. Mr and Mrs BetterHalf is designed to strengthen relationships and marriages with wisdom from God's word. relationship blog
2. This week’s episode situation is: ‘I'm married, but in love with someone else. What should I do?’ #MrMrsBetterHalf
3. It is not clear whether your feelings are one-sided or are reciprocated. Regardless of the situation, you are at the very least in an emotional affair and in a dangerous place. Hopefully, you have not physically acted on those emotions. #MrMrsBetterHalf
4. My first question for you is whether you tend to get into situations like this quite frequently. I ask this because there are people who seem to fall in and out of love with people every month- whether or not they are married. #MrMrsBetterHalf
5. If you are like this, then you have to change and it is your change that will break the cycle of needless attractions. #MrMrsBetterHalf
6. You need to develop emotional maturity. Remember that you have a will. You have the strength to decide how your life will go and not just respond to any stimuli or emotion of the moment. #MrMrsBetterHalf
7. It’s just like food. The fact that you see ice cream 10 times a day should not mean you should eat 10 cones. Nor does the fact that there’s a 24-hour movie channel mean that you won’t go to work but rather call in sick to watch TV. #MrMrsBetterHalf
8. Now sometimes the problem is not that you are emotionally weak but rather that you were careless. Everybody has triggers and being self-aware is what helps you erect the right boundaries. #MrMrsBetterHalf
9. What are the things you generally find attractive or distracting in a person? Is it looks, intellect, mannerism, culture or passion? We know the things that turn us on. Knowledge is supposed to help you walk circumspectly. #MrMrsBetterHalf
10. When you identify someone that pushes your buttons, wisdom dictates that you keep a distance or create a buffer between you and the person because you are already at risk of being attracted to him or her. #MrMrsBetterHalf
11. Some people like to meddle with fire. You tell yourself ‘nothing will happen’ as you move closer and closer to the flames. When you get burnt then you cry for help. By then you are in the emergency zone. #MrMrsBetterHalf
12. There is a time to be brave and a time to flee. Wisdom is knowing that in matters of the heart, you are not as strong as you think you are- flee. Stop trying to prove a point. Protect yourself and your marriage. That’s true courage. #MrMrsBetterHalf
13. ‘Let he that thinks he stands be careful lest he falls’. Shun pride and be humble. This is why some people do have only same-sex assistants or secretaries. It’s about being self-aware and not having an inflated idea of their willpower. #MrMrsBetterHalf
14. Another situation that can put you in a mess is if there is already an emotional gap in your marriage. If you and your spouse are not connecting at home, you are a ticking time bomb looking for where to blow up. #MrMrsBetterHalf
15. Couples, it is dangerous to allow your relationship become a cold and distant place, because you both need emotional nurturing and not getting it at home makes seeking comfort from whoever will give it outside more likely. #MrMrsBetterHalf
16. The fact that you are developing feelings for someone else is a wake-up call! Code Red! You cannot ignore what is going on between you and your spouse any longer! The fence of your marriage has been broken. Mend it! #MrMrsBetterHalf
17. You need to have crucial conversations with your spouse that should lead to you getting some help and being able to work through your issues. Build back your love, trust and friendship so that your emotional vacuum is filled. #MrMrsBetterHalf
18. Now you may be saying, ‘Mentor, this is all well and good but I am already hooked to this person and I don’t know what to do. I honestly don’t want to cheat but my feelings for this person are so strong that I really feel I love him/her.’ #MrMrsBetterHalf
19. The first thing I want you to know is that this kind of love or rather, infatuation is not fatal. If you fell into it, you can fall out of it. Decide that you want to be faithful to your spouse and preserve your marriage by following these steps: #MrMrsBetterHalf
20. (a) Change your vision and interpretation of that relationship. You must first and foremost see and believe that there is no future with this person. Any sort of relationship with this person will be disastrous. Accept this as truth. #MrMrsBetterHalf
21. How am I sure this person isn’t ‘the one’ and you actually married the wrong person? I’m not 100% certain you married the right person but I’m 100% certain that a wounded person doesn’t make a good decision till he/she is healed. #MrMrsBetterHalf
22. When you are emotionally starved, the other man/woman outside looks far more attractive than he or she really is. Your vision is impaired because you are malnourished. You are not seeing clearly. #MrMrsBetterHalf
23. If you were seeing clearly you would realize that a potential home-wrecker doesn’t have the virtues or values that make a good spouse. Don’t scatter your marriage for a mirage- what he or she is offering is not the real deal! #MrMrsBetterHalf
24. (b) Change your thought life. Your life moves in the direction of your most dominant thoughts. The more you think of this person and fantasize about being together, the more in danger you will be of cheating. #MrMrsBetterHalf
25. You know what? Forces collude to bring your biggest fears or secret sins to pass. Somehow, one day you will find yourself alone with that person, & with the prime opportunity to live out your fantasy. Change your thoughts. #MrMrsBetterHalf
26. Think good thoughts about your spouse, your marriage, your children and faith. Occupy your mind with the things that will move your life forward not backwards. Always remember that you will always become your thoughts. #MrMrsBetterHalf
27. (c) Create an emotional distance between you & this person. A fire you refuse to feed will eventually die. #MrMrsBetterHalf
28. Cut out the calls, flirtatious chats and emails and unnecessary hangouts. Cut them without ceremony- go cold turkey. You are likely to confuse the person but don’t worry he/she will recover. #MrMrsBetterHalf
29. Nobody likes to be rebuffed. When they see you’ve changed, they will either respect the distance or confront you. If the latter is the case, simply say that you respect them but you are no longer available for such a life. #MrMrsBetterHalf
30. Understand the stakes you are playing for. The stakes in your marriage are far higher than what you share with this person. Better an awkward friendship than a broken marriage. Friends come and go; your spouse is forever. #MrMrsBetterHalf
31. (d) Get someone to hold you accountable. Reveal your feelings to someone. Once you have confessed your emotional weakness, it loses some of its power over you. Secrets have a way of keeping you in bondage. #MrMrsBetterHalf
32. Should you tell your spouse? If you think it will help you converse with him or her, sure you can. If on the other hand it might worry him or her and cause more harm than good then talk to a trusted friend who will help you. #MrMrsBetterHalf
33. Please ensure you don’t talk to someone without morals who will excuse your emotional infidelity- make sure it is someone who will take you up and demand change from you and hold you to it. #MrMrsBetterHalf
34. It’s important to have people in your life that can scold you and hit your ‘reset’ button. I have people like that in my life and I encourage you to have them too. Let’s support one another to make good decisions for our lives and relationships. #MrMrsBetterHalf
35. I hope this has been helpful. I will be back next week with another topic. If you have a question, feel free to send me a message and I will try to address it in subsequent episodes. #MrMrsBetterHalf
36. Till then, thank you for following, participating and RTing. May your marriages and relationships be sweet! #MrMrsBetterHalf

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