This is the only thread of someone live-tweeting the Super Bowl without actually watching the Super Bowl.
That version of the Star Spangled Banner was aight.
By the way: Did you know “Spangle” is the way white people used to say “Bling?”
By the way: Did you know “Spangle” is the way white people used to say “Bling?”
Every time they have to double a big, athletic black dude with two white dudes, I feel like they should have to give up half their salary.
Also, when it’s not used in the context of football, the word “punt” sounds very obscene.
Also, when it’s not used in the context of football, the word “punt” sounds very obscene.
Did you see that play Johntavius just made at cornerback?
Or safety?
Or wide receiver?
Me either, but I bet there’s somebody on the field named Johntavius.
If there isn’t, they don’t wanna win
Or safety?
Or wide receiver?
Me either, but I bet there’s somebody on the field named Johntavius.
If there isn’t, they don’t wanna win
I bet they’ve mentioned Tom Brady’s age 129 times already.
“At 43 years old, he can still fall down when anyone gets close to him. It’s amazing!”
“At 43 years old, he can still fall down when anyone gets close to him. It’s amazing!”
The commercials are hilarious...
To people who drink Bud Light and wears Skechers.
To people who drink Bud Light and wears Skechers.
I love Johntavius’ story. You gotta admire how he overcame crushing poverty, the drug war, and the legacy of white supremacy to earn a living acquiring long-term concussive blows to his brain!
This game is great!
I mean, the football is aight but this capitalism shit is AMAZING
This game is great!
I mean, the football is aight but this capitalism shit is AMAZING
I gotta admit The Weeknd’s performance was very sparkly. The colors! The moves! The lasers! The the way they had the white people dancing around the stage highlights this country’s inclusive melting pot*
And how about the surprise cameo?
*This Tweet is embargoed until halftime
And how about the surprise cameo?
*This Tweet is embargoed until halftime
I loved that PSA about how the NFL is dedicated to erasing that social problem they kicked that guy out of the league for calling attention to.
I don’t know who needs to hear this but that’s enough wings, eat one of those celeries (celeri?)
“Meh.”
Coming this fall to CBS!
Coming this fall to CBS!
Tampa (or Kansas City) needs a big play right now.
They’ve got to stick with their game plan (or make some adjustments).
This is when champions are made
They’ve got to stick with their game plan (or make some adjustments).
This is when champions are made
I hope someone on the winning team thanks God and Gods interrupts with:
“I was actually pulling for the other team, but the Holy Ghost can’t read defenses, my child!”
“I was actually pulling for the other team, but the Holy Ghost can’t read defenses, my child!”
The reason no one takes us seriously is that Black culture celebrates rappers, broken English and ratchetness instead of traditional American values....
Until it’s time to sell some Cool Ranch Doritos
Until it’s time to sell some Cool Ranch Doritos
I forgot to say this:
“They gotta convert on 3rd down.”
The announcers ALWAYS say that shit.
“They gotta convert on 3rd down.”
The announcers ALWAYS say that shit.
I told y’all this was gonna happen!
I said: “It’s gonna come down to which team has a better combined performance on offense, defense and special teams.”
Check my timeline
I said: “It’s gonna come down to which team has a better combined performance on offense, defense and special teams.”
Check my timeline
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