Thread by @GailPatricelli

@Edwards_evoeco When I mentioned that male #sagegrouse often copulate with dried cowpies, I didn't do the situation justice. I will elaborate in a thread. @EffinBirds @ProBirdRights

For most males, cowpie copulation is just an occasional indulgence. For others, it's a lifestyle.

Meet Captain Cowpie, one of our most prolific serial cowpie copulators -- shown here in one of his more dignified moments.

Like other serial cowpie copulators before him (legends such as Colonel Cowpie, Corporal Cowpie, and Steve), the Captain was a monogamist. He had one favorite cowpie, and he copulated with her several times each day.

Even after his love had worn her down into a pile of cowpie chunks, he remained faithful.

Oh, he'd try to quit her! He'd walk away. He'd strut around his patch of the lek, like ASY male sage-grouse are supposed to do.

But then he'd remember her. And he'd look over his shoulder...

"Hey girl"

And he'd strut his way back home to her crumbly embrace. This cycle of breakup and reconciliation would happen all morning, every morning.

I captured a glimpse of this tragic love story on video.

For your consideration:

*This film has not yet been rated. Or named. Suggestions are welcome.

As Valentine's Day approaches, I, for one, salute you, Captain Cowpie! You achieved no fitness, but who are we to say that your love was not optimal?

Epilogue: You're probably wondering "What would that look like at 250 frames per second?" Well,

One year, to make way for an experiment, we had to move a serial cowpie copulator’s favorite cowpie—Monica. The male spent the morning copulating with the patch of frozen dirt and blanched grass where she had been...

A field tech wrote a love ballad about the tragedy, which included such lines as:

“your excremental nature didn’t decrement my pleasure”

And “it’s just a shitty love affair, I know, but it broke my heart,
When you pushed me and Monica apart”

I should have noted that the serial cowpie copulator in this story is none other than Steve