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11 Feb, 4 tweets, 1 min read
ADA Jason Zapf should never get a good night's sleep until this farce is dropped.
How's the arm, shithead?
Jason Zapf should be kicked out of restaurants and shamed by his own mom.
"You want to prosecute this kid? You ain't my tribe, Jason. Find another barber."

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More from @upstatefederlst

Upstate Federalist Profile picture
12 Feb
I don't believe there will be a war.

I do believe you should probably work out arrangements for sourcing your food from within 10 miles of your house.
I maintain there is no national appetite for shooting at a state that decides to leave nor is there an available wizard spell powerful enough to convince people to go shoot at Texans to save your children.
Slavery was a powerful spell. National Unity was a powerful spell. I think most of the country would be relieved to see a managed break-up.
Read 11 tweets
Upstate Federalist Profile picture
11 Feb
One afternoon during a nap, my then 2 year old yelled into the corner of the room "Stop it! Stop it, I don't like that!" and I both had to move the camera to that corner and did not in any way want to move the camera to that corner.
This was the same bedroom where I'm convinced I was temporarily sucked into an alternate dimension. It was dark, the room is only about 10x8 and I got lost in it for what felt like an hour.
Seriously, there was a crib on one side of the room and a changing table on the other that my wingspan could reach both and I could not find them no matter how hard I tried. I kept walking and could not find a wall. I said "what the fuck" and couldn't hear it.
Read 7 tweets
Upstate Federalist Profile picture
10 Feb
It occurs to me now that Democrats are actually trying to spark an insurrection.
The repetition of the word. The insistence that 1/6 was the thing even when it wasn't. We've Chekov's Gunned insurrection into existence and now are actively trying to make it happen.
We are six weeks from being a year deep into this. We have vaccinations and we're still turning the screws on people.

If we keep this up, the violence of last summer is going to pale in comparison to this summer.
Read 4 tweets
Upstate Federalist Profile picture
10 Feb
This is an accurate timeline for red-pilling though. You start by thinking you can defeat it. Then you realize there's no chance. Then you realize that the source of it is debt. Then you realize you can just sort of opt out of it.
"Mandatory" trainings are not, in fact, mandatory. You are choosing your comfortable lifestyle over what you claim to value. If you choose to take part, you don't get to complain about it.

At any point you can leave. The most effective cages, however, have no locks.
If you send your kid into a public school with a school board you aren't on that is teaching your kids CRT, that's on you. You made a choice.
Read 5 tweets
Upstate Federalist Profile picture
10 Feb
Semi-Charmed Life is a prime example of this.

Copacabana is another.
Lucky by Britney Spears.
Lots of stuff from Pink.
Chandelier from Sia.
Goo Goo Dolls Slide.
Or, my favorite, Hook by Blues Traveller which is literally a song about how lyrics don't matter if a song is catchy enough.
Read 4 tweets
Upstate Federalist Profile picture
10 Feb
Ryan Long's bits expose the lie too much to let him keep going. This is most likely the opening shot.

Saying true things is alt-right, and comedy has to be based in truth or it doesn't work. Therefore, actual stand-up comedy has to go.
The only guys who will be allowed to be funny are the border guards. They'll let Dave be occasionally edgy on Netflix so there can be pushback from the left. Dave's job is now to define the edge of the Overton window and be yelled at for it.
My bit "I dated a trans-man once. I just thought she was really into men's clothes and Axe body spray. She's said 'no, I'm a man,' and I said 'baby, you're 4'11"'" would be hilarious, a rhetorical nuke, and it also would have to be done by an exiled comedian like @OwenBenjaminRep
Read 4 tweets

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