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Daniel Kibblesmith Profile picture
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13 Feb, 4 tweets, 1 min read
There’s also this whole movie about how he quasi-discovered Sarah Palin and worked furiously to try and secure her the vice presidency.
I think it was based on a true story.
The more time I spend on Twitter the more I realize the only surprising thing about Ellen hanging out with George W. Bush is that people got mad at Ellen at all.
I should just start tweeting that Nixon was good because he would’ve hated Trump and see if the grant money rolls in.

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More from @kibblesmith

Daniel Kibblesmith Profile picture
13 Feb
If Bradley Cooper can play a raccoon— ImageImage
Idol a’ millions.
I know Rogen is the fan favorite pick, but I've been thinking about Ben Grimm casting all night and I like our options. ImageImageImageImage
Read 5 tweets
Daniel Kibblesmith Profile picture
12 Feb
Damn these discs are so compact
Was it a thing before compact discs that discs were assumed to be pretty big
I don’t know because im Gen z
Read 6 tweets
Daniel Kibblesmith Profile picture
10 Feb
The children are inconsolable after the rock, due to his massive size, barely appears slimed at all
The Rock futilely tries to smear slime onto his face from his massive shoulders but their cries do not cease. Somewhere in a control room, a blonde woman with a severe haircut screams WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE’RE OUT OF SLIME into a black headset
The program hard cuts to a still graphic of spongebob shrugging
Read 5 tweets
Daniel Kibblesmith Profile picture
7 Feb
Me: I took your advice and started a bullet journal.

My Therapist: Wait, you just drew actual bullets next to ... is this a list of my high school lacrosse team? And where’d you get a Polaroid of the fat kid we used —

Me: Maybe you’d recognize me with my shirt off, Matt.
This is like thirty-five percent a true story.
A 100% true story though: My freshman year, I accidentally got lost on my way from the swimming pool to the locker room wearing only a towel and an older black girl saw me and said “Ooh, honey put your shirt back on” and it was so perfect that to this day I can’t be mad about it.
Read 5 tweets
Daniel Kibblesmith Profile picture
6 Feb
I hope the super bowl commercials acknowledge literally nothing. I hope they’re all refreshingly tone deaf. I hope Chester cheetah screams EVERYTHING’S FINE and then slaps his own ass
I am tired of commercials that talk to me like my parents just dropped me off at my first therapy session I know everything is fucked show me the grimace
Or the opposite — if commercials are going to act like they care about society, they should really go for it

“Half a million Americans are dead — Drink Sprite while you can”
Read 4 tweets
Daniel Kibblesmith Profile picture
21 Dec 20
Look at these weirdos. Just moving from area to area as a unit, reacting to stuff. ImageImageImageImage
If you shouted “Hey Muppet Babies, come check this out” they would, even if it was nothing.
Bury me in the dirt and put a smooth rock on top because my time in the sunshine is done.
Read 4 tweets

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