Since I’ve been doing these, I get messages from ppl ‘off the record’ who either need to reach out for support or who reach out to provide support. I’ve found the hardest thing is being treated with such different levels of respect in different contexts. Does anyone else >
https://twitter.com/tamar_whyte/status/1361816632344117261
> experience this? What I’ve found is that as I’ve had expertise recognised and respected in some contexts, the contexts in which it is disrespected somehow go from being upsetting to unbearable. As you raise the fact that what you are experiencing is discriminatory & >
> disrespectful, and you have it ignored time and time again, you go from being able to give the benefit of the doubt, of being able to put what is happening down to ignorance, to starting to realise that it can no longer be ignorance. So what is it? Is it maliciousness? >
> For me, it has gone beyond just feeling like gaslighting, because I’ve lost so much. My health. Right now, I can’t drive. On Friday I have to have wires glued to my head to try and work out why the f* the issues aren’t sorted yet. *spoiler alert - maybe it’s because nothing >
> has changed? So does this mean that I’m worth nothing, my life and health are worth nothing, not worth changing policies for? It’s only the same experience of others, I just have a bigger mouth and am more stubborn. But why aren’t we worth anything? >
> So, like I was saying, the most painful thing for me has been seeing that what I’ve been saying is true, because I’ve experienced being treated differently in different contexts. I’ve seen the way #LXPs are viewed & treated differently, so it becomes unbearable to exist in an >
> environment that won’t acknowledge when it is discriminating against us and hurting us. I can cope with the blows, but the gaslighting - that is the killer. Especially when you wear a Mad label. It questions your reality, your expertise. It pathologises you. You become the >
> pathology you are given. It’s written about in the literature - @AiyegbusiDr wrote about the skilled, qualified overseas nurses who were called incompetent by their racist coworkers. They became their label. Yesterday I became my label, a literally hysterical poster child for >
> BPD howling that I had been badly hurt, and no one was accountable, or cared. As I cried out that I was being badly treated in only this one place, not others, that I wasn’t delusional, this wasn’t me being unreasonable.... I sounded and became every stereotype being forced >
> upon me. People with power don’t seem to have to be accountable for the impact of their actions, or to provide any grounds for why decisions are made in certain ways. As LXPs we provide literature, evidence, case studies, lobby. We have to be so much better than our colleagues>
> yet we don’t get treated with the same respect the other way round. I’ve never had anyone give an evidence based response as to why they have decided to ignore LX knowledge to make decisions about LXP work. Those decisions have harmed me so badly. Yet even then, they are still>
> made, regardless. I am so fucking hurt. How little am I valued at? Worst still, if this was all I knew, I would be gaslighted into believing this was ok, and that I was the problem, a bad person. My confidence is already shot. It’s only because I know better and have links >
> elsewhere that I know that this is wrong. It is only because of that, I’m able to understand I’m not shit at my job, useless... that in fact I’ve got a lot to offer in this area, and it’s appreciated in some areas. But it’s also a total mindfuck going from one world into the >
> other. It is literally killing me slowly. My body is breaking down. Last year I tried to die. This year I’ve felt like that, albeit with improved coping mechanisms. My point is, nobody should ever, ever be treated or made to feel this way. It’s not as simple as ignoring >
> this type of behaviour or treatment, being a bit stronger, assimilating. It didn’t work for those overseas nurses. It won’t work for LXPs either. #Equality, please. Remember, most stories remain untold. People are scared to say this shit.
@threadreaderapp, please unroll! Xx
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