People are under the impression that my brother is in a compound or something? It’s literally just him and his wife in a suburban house. He just plays pretend army with his church pals on weekends. The they in that thread is him and his wife.
I probably shouldn’t address stuff like that but I’ve seen some comments that made me go what
Kind of because it would be the most commitment he’s shown to anything in his life. This is the man who got booted out of the navy because he didn’t get leave approved to go to a wedding so he just left and decided he wouldn’t come back. Yeah, that’s how that works dude.
Despite all the training sunk into him they were like eh let’s stuff him in the brig for a few weeks and tell him to eff off.

I’m reasonably sure his job was to keep his ship from lilting .5 degrees to starboard so they probably replaced him with sandbags.

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More from @torriangray

17 Feb
So new followers, I'm afraid we're going to have to talk about Alf at some point.
When I see a very, very bad tweet on this app (usually from Ted Cruz) I will reply with a photo of Alf. It is very important that you do not click on this photo and expand it. No matter how curious you are what that full image may reveal DO NOT CLICK IT.
If you do a flood of thoughts will rush through your head:

1. Why did I not listen?
2. Why does his penis look like that?
3. Actually that makes complete sense.

Soon after will come acceptance.
Read 5 tweets
17 Feb
Since I'm discussing my brother and it's gaining me a ton of followers, I may as well sabotage it by telling you one of the worst stories I have about him. Especially since I have photo documentation of this one.
My brother is a Baptist minister, but humans contain multitudes so he's also an absolute pornography fiend. One of my earliest brother drama memories was him racking up a giant phone sex bill and my dad having to call the phone company and dispute it.
He told them that his son didn't have permission to access those kinds of numbers. Technically true, but he left out the fact that his son was like 22 or something and on leave from serving as ballast aboard the USS Truxton.
Read 17 tweets
16 Feb
so my eldest brother, who is a moron, has been playing soldier with his moron friends in the deserts of texas for the last year preparing for the collapse of civilization if biden won (lol). they were burying food and ammo stashes out in the desert, running drills, crazy stuff
this included getting a cb license so he could be their lifeline to other groups of white idiots when the cell towers all went offline. wouldn't want to violate federal law while communicating with your resistance groups after the fall of the federal government i guess.
anyways, you would assume given that they've been prepping for the end of the world for at least a year they're well situated to ride out the rolling blackouts right?

wellll
Read 14 tweets
16 Feb
Maybe if he was paid for his time and risk, especially during a pandemic.
If college sports are going to exist, and I don’t think they should, pay the players a share of the revenue they generate.
The top paid state employee in 39/50 states as of 2018 was a college football or basketball coach. gobankingrates.com/money/business…
Read 5 tweets
16 Feb
at least this cheered me up
Holy hell the next bad movie night at my place is gonna rule.
This man is a star. A STAR.
Read 5 tweets
16 Feb
There’s nothing white guys like doing more than whining about other white guys talking. I think most tech guys are idiots so I ignore them. I’m also not red assed angry that they dare hang out and chat.
It’s good that I’m locked down because I’m about ready to hit someone. I’m just tired of everyone’s dumb shit.
Read 4 tweets

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