Thread by @JennMGreenberg

My dear brothers in Christ,

Do not confuse your God-created attractions and physical desires with sexual depravity. One can misuse God's gifts. That does not make God's gifts evil.

Before we can stop evil, we must know the difference between good and evil. So, here's a thread.

I once had a Christian husband come to me confessing that he had "lusted" after his wife. He thought he was a pervert, a predator, a monster, because he found his wife attractive. I asked, "Do you love your wife?" and he said, "Dearly." I told him to read Song of Solomon.

I have had pastors, church leaders, and Christian men demand that I change my Twitter avatar because it causes men to sin. Um, no? God made my face (and yes, even my "clavicles"). If God has created something evil, then we have much bigger problems to deal with than my avatar.

It's not a sin to look at a person and think, "Wow, she/he is good looking," any more than it is to look at a flower and think, "What a lovely plant." Yes, you can choose to fantasize, betray trust, abuse, and hurt beautiful things. That does not make the beautiful things evil.

On the contrary, when we see a dramatic sunset, a blooming rose, a graceful swan, or a mountain range, what do we do? We praise God for it! It is his handiwork which he formed in his holiness. Just so, an attractive human being is the handiwork of God.

He does not create evil.

And this is the difference between you and a sexual predator. When you see a person you (should) note the image of God in them. You should want to honor, protect, care for, and defend them.

When an abuser sees the image of God in someone, they want to mutilate and destroy it.

If you see a woman or child and your instinct is to destroy them on a spiritual and psychological level, by all means, get help, hate your sin, avoid temptation like the plague, and resign any positions of authority you have over potential victims. However ...

If you see a woman and think, "She's lovely," praise God, go home, and be faithful to your wife. Recognize that as a human being, you have eyes, hormones, and emotions. They're not evil, but learning to manage your thoughts and actions responsibly is part of spiritual maturation.

Until we learn to differentiate natural hormonal attraction for predatory lust and violent urges, we can never hope to identify, understand, or stop real sexual predators. We'll assume they're like us; garden variety sinners with tender consciences. But they are not.

A sexual predator does not do what they do because they're sexually deprived, lonely, tempted by beauty, or deceived. They build their tolerance to evil the way an alcoholic builds a tolerance to alcohol. They start with smaller sins, and slowly build up, mutilating their souls.

Porn and mental fantasies are a common starter kit. They numb their conscience to erotic images, then move up to violent or deviant erotic images. Then they start saying creepy and grotesque things. Then they start seeking opportunities to victimize without getting caught.

Then they start acting on their impulses. They will start small, often targeting victims who are less likely to be believed; the mentally ill, children, prostitutes, foreigners, known liars, or vulnerable people who the abuser believes will self-destruct rather than report.

In my research I have interviewed child predators, sociopaths, and psychopaths, who admitted that they know how to beat a woman or child in such a way that it looks like an accident. These are not reckless idiots. These are highly controlled, intelligent, premeditated criminals.

My dad did the same thing. He rarely hurt me in a way that would leave evidence behind. He never punched me that I recall. He'd push me downstairs, throw me, slam me against a wall, throw things at me ... and the resulting bruises and scrapes could be lied away as "accident."

While their evil sometimes results in physical damage, the prime devastation abusers love to cause is spiritual, psychological, and emotional. This is not unintentional. They want to annihilate their victims, ruin their lives, and mentally break them.

Abusers are spiritual arsonists. They want to watch you burn. They want you to succumb to the injuries they inflicted, and self-destruct.

They want to desecrate the image of God.

Their hatred - whether terrifyingly violent or coldly subversive - is ultimately for their Creator.

So, please do not think that you noticing a woman's pretty smile, shiny hair, or bright eyes makes you a predator. You're a normal human being who can choose to use what God has given him for good or for evil. Do not be deceived as Eve was. Serpents don't think like doves.

❤️

PS: Do you know who wants you to believe you're just as wicked and perverse as an abuser? Abusers. They think that if you believe you're just as warped as they are, you'll be less likely to get in their way. Don't let them be right.