brycey Profile picture
21 Feb, 10 tweets, 2 min read
So then I went to the pub. The pub is great, it's full of people catching up, talking about their holidays, showing pictures of their kids and bragging about food they paid for, cooked, or heard about on TV. Classic social interactions, boring but ppl seem to like it.

There were a few people talking about the news, which irked me a little - I mean, buy my newspaper if you want that amiright??! So I went up to the owner and told him we want new rules and because people were talking about things in my newspaper, he had to pay me. Lots.

He stared at me for a sec, then walked away but not before making it obvious he didn't want to. What a rude prick. So I yelled and he kept ignoring me, so I called the govt and told them to yell at him about the rules I want, but pretend it was them not me doing it.

He said, to be honest, he doesn't care what people talk about as long as it isn't those terriers and pediatricians that he heard are all over that shopping complex now. We said no srsly bro you gotta pay cos everyone comes here for the news and don't buy the paper anymore.

He laughed at me which I thought was super rude again and said - and I quote - "don't be so ridiculous. Ppl don't come here FOR the news, they come here and some ppl talk ABOUT the news. If they want to read any of it, they have to go and buy or at least read your paper".

That's such bullshit. I mean, they should give me $1 of every drink they sell, not just beer and not just the ones when people are talking about the news. It doesn't matter if they try to send people to buy a paper to actually read it, I deserve that extra dollar because.

But it was totally awesome cos the govt said to him "dude, they're talking about the news, you gotta pay up." But then he said "I didn't ask for the news, I send them to you when they want to read or buy the news, I just let them talk about it here. You're welcome."

and then he did crazyman stuff - he made an announcement to everyone to stop talking about the news! Just shut them up straight away. He even stopped ppl from putting up flyers advertising all the news companies everywhere. And we were like "bro wtf" but he was totally gone

He then says "I was ok having your flyers up to advertise your stuff, and I was even willing to talk about paying YOU to put up better flyers, but they still say your name and business, but honestly cbf. Love having ppl here, easier to stop a few convos than deal with you."


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More from @brycey

21 Feb
The other day I went to the shops.

For the purposes of this story, I own a little media company. And this wasn't any old shop, it was a super modern shopping complex with a weird name. I think it is from overseas. Anyways, this place is huge.

And not just shops - there's all sorts of clubs and community centres, a bunch of libraries, a church for every religion. Yeah, everything.

So I walk around for a bit, then eventually decide I wanted to see what was happening in the world and searched for the newsagent.

Now, I've been doing my job for a loooong time - I'm really good at it. Over the years I've refined the delivery of 'news' to be mainly gossip, scandal or self-serving politics and charging people money for the privilege of reading it. People love a scandal.

Read 9 tweets

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