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Oliver Willis Profile picture
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25 Feb, 5 tweets, 1 min read
buy my line of potato toys with extremely explicit genitalia
subscribe now to my onlypotatoes account unless you hate america
nsfw
this is just the teaser. rest you gotta pay for, perv.
gonna be the my pillow guy of explicit potato toys

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More from @owillis

Oliver Willis Profile picture
26 Feb
I always get a variation of this and it boggles my mind. Do you believe politics is about getting things done or getting a ribbon for playing by (mythical) rules? I’d absolutely love it if democrats were even 25% as ruthless as republicans in pursuit of 80% of their agenda. Image
Imagine: “They increased the minimum wage to $20 and increased the standard of living for millions of people but on the downside they were extremely rude in doing so and came real close to the line of legality.”

Me:
There’s this idea that if democrats try to do things in a tough nosed way that magically they just become the worst Republican. And really it’s a Pollyanna silly way to view the world if I’m being very honest.
Read 5 tweets
Oliver Willis Profile picture
26 Feb
when in doubt democrats fall back on "the rules" to excuse inaction and republicans say "fuck the rules."

always thus.
and its worse when you're the one making the rules.
and they always think "well, if its in the rules, the republicans won't go after it." meanwhile republicans are over here saying that by inhaling and exhaling democrats are in violation of the constitution.
Read 5 tweets
Oliver Willis Profile picture
26 Feb
there are three thousand streaming services desperate for content, strip mining my childhood to reboot series and tv shows and not a single one of you could bother to reboot my favorite show, quantum leap?
me: could you reboot quantum leap?
streaming services: what about an animated basic instinct series?
me: i'd like quantum leap.
streamers: live action tiny toons.
me: quantum. leap.
streamers: white chicks: the documentary.
(i would watch an animated basic instinct series tbh)
Read 5 tweets
Oliver Willis Profile picture
26 Feb
🎵why cant we raise the minimum wage?
it was agatha all along🎵

"and i messed up reconciliation too"
someone photoshop the parliamentarian with purple eyes
trying to figure out why the hell you can't raise the minimum wage despite having the will of the voting public behind a policy
Read 4 tweets
Oliver Willis Profile picture
25 Feb
heres a dumb anecdote about me: when i was a kid, like under 10, for some reason i continually confused potatoes and tomatoes. every time i meant to reference one, i said the other. doubly weird cause i hate tomatoes and love potatoes. mom used to make fun of me for this. lol.
another one: for awhile when i was a teen my grandma lived w us. she used to cook dinner every night. but because i loved potatoes, i always asked her for them as a side dish (i hate veggies). so in her jamaican accent grandma calls them "pit-ay-ta."
one evening grandma confronts me over my potato-obsession: "pitayta, pitayta, pitayta, ollie... i tired to mek pitayta."

this is one of the memories i cherish when i think about her.

(she also used to call me "de clown.") Image
Read 5 tweets
Oliver Willis Profile picture
25 Feb
cmon hasbro, tucker already had his "they want to take away your potato's gender, theyre slicing away and mashing it up" monologue ready to go
"Nobody actually cares about potato genders. They're doing this to control you. To nudge you. They make genderless potatoes, and then what's next? They cut off your penis, steal your gun. That's what this is all about. First the potato, then your Lil' Tucker."
"The potato-mad Democrats are going into your kids toybox and dragging Mr and Mrs Potato Head. This is crazy folks. I'm a traditional conservative: Low taxes, strong defense, and yes, a gendered potato. Just feels like common sense to me."
Read 5 tweets

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