Thread by @cerbykerby

oh boy here we go okay: this, but wangxian au

https://twitter.com/monicamccallan/status/1365758520612843526

🔞cw: mpreg, dubcon

to save the cloud recesses from the wens, lwj makes a deal with the yiling patriarch: defeat the wens and protect gusu, and lwj will give him his firstborn.

after the sunshot campaign is over, lwj leads yllz into his tent and guides him onto his bed.

cw: mpreg, dubcon

"What are you doing?" yllz asks, puzzled, then yelps when lwj shoves him onto his back and begins removing his belt.

"Giving you my firstborn," lwj answers as he hitches yllz's robes up around his waist.

"Lan Zhan!" yllz struggles. "I meant an actual, already-existing baby!"

lwj makes a disagreeing sound as he undoes his own robes. "Nowhere in our contract specifies that."

of course lwj of all people would /actually/ read the contract. yllz is a DUMBASS for not updating it.

cw: mpreg, dubcon

"But I'm a man!" yllz fights back—of course he fights back, he can't suffer this kind of humiliation! "I can't carry!"

lwj looks skeptical. "You can control the dead, summon crows, and push souls back into their bodies. I do not believe you can't carry."

cw: mpreg, dubcon

"I can't believe this," yllz moans as his chest is exposed. "Lan Zhan, what if my plans were to eat the child? Would you make me eat my own child? You are too cruel!"

"You do not harm innocents," lwj says firmly. "You would not."

yllz huffs.

meanwhile, everyone who saw lwj taking yllz to his tent are convinced that he's doing some exorcism-banishing thingy on the evil sorcerer, because the gusu lan sect would never /actually/ tolerate such dark magic, right?

that viewpoint quickly changes for some.

guy #1, listening to the litany of, "Ah~! Er-gege, spare me! Be more gentle! Ah, it hurts! Why are you so cruel? I can't—hold on—": as expected of hanguang-jun, always fighting evil.

guy #2, older, wiser, also listening: uhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHH

cw: mpreg

they mate like rabbits for days. one night lwj wakes up to yllz getting dressed. when he asks him why he's leaving, yllz kisses his forehead and says, "I've conceived. The contract is complete. Be well, Hanguang-Jun," before slipping out of the tent and into the night.

does it end there? nope. lwj makes regular trips to wwx's shrine in yiling to leave offerings such as anti-nausea medicine, sweets, nuts, fresh fruits, fish, and prenatal supplements.

he also takes away any alcohol he finds there left by others. alcohol not good for baby.

a few months of this, and a pissed-off yllz appears in the cloud recesses in a swirl of dark smoke. "Hanguang-Jun!" he snarls. "Show yourself!"

lwj shows up just in time to order everyone to stand down and stop pointing swords at his baby-mama.

cw: mpreg, dubcon

yllz marches straight up to lwj and shoves a finger against his chest, "You've got a lot of nerve, Hanguang-Jun. You can take my virginity, knock me up, and make me carry your firstborn, but you can NOT take my offerings from me. Do I make myself clear?"

cw: mpreg

lwj hears him very clearly, but he's also distracted. because yllz's face is very close, and he's so pretty, and his gently-swelling belly is pressing ever-so-slightly against lwj's abdomen—not yet big enough to show under the robes, but enough to notice through touch.

"Alcohol is not good for the baby," he says.

yllz bristles. "I /know/ that. You don't think I have my methods of counteracting that? I wouldn't harm our child."

/Our child,/ lwj's heart sings. gently, he presses his hand against yllz's tummy.

yllz's anger wavers.

if anyone is wondering what lqr is doing at the moment, he's passed out from the moment he heard, "you can knock me up," from yllz, so he's kind of missing all this.

"My apologies," lwj doesn't remove his hand, "I did not think my actions through. I will not take any more of your offerings."

the outrage melts off of yllz's face. "Yeah. Well. You had good intentions."

"Mn," lwj agrees. "I will take responsibility for the child."

yllz frowns. "Oh, you don't have to do that."

"The contract says I must give you my firstborn," lwj insists. "Nowhere does it say I must be excluded from its life, or act any less than a father to it."

yllz stares at him for a long time. "I really need to review that contract."

but he doesn't seem opposed to the idea. "It's really quite nice here," yllz muses, looking around, "and I did enjoy your offerings. I hear your Gusu's Emperor's Smile is pretty good, too. Perhaps I shall stay, at least until the baby's birth."

that's a start. lwj agrees.

cw: mpreg, birth

there's pregnancy shenanigans for the next few months, from weird cravings to swollen ankles. yllz continues to take contracts (edited and reviewed by lwj) for spells and potions, and lets lwj dote on him.

he gives birth quietly, in the middle of the night.

lwj goes looking for him because he was not in lwj's arms when he woke up. he finds yllz in a small closet that smells of blood, wiping off a crying baby with cloth and medicinal-smelling water that had clearly been prepared beforehand.

"He's got a powerful set of lungs," yllz says hoarsely. the corners of his mouth are red from the gag he used on himself during birth, but he's smiling. "Of course Lan Zhan's firstborn is healthy and strong. Aiya, I'm not going to sleep well for months with that voice of his."

lwj helps clean his son. his /son./ tiny hands, tinier fingers. "You do not have to raise him alone." he hopes he doesn't sound too desperate.

yllz hums as he curls up on a pile of clothes. "Staying does sound tempting. He could grow up as a Lan, and I could get some sleep."

lwj places the baby on yllz's chest and drapes a blanket over both of them for warmth as he helps clean yllz up. "You could come and leave as you please. The Cloud Recesses would always be your home."

"Home." yllz yawns with one hand on his son's back. "He deserves a home."

in the end, yllz stays. the gusu lan sect welcome their brand new member with open arms. lqr in particular falls so hard and so quickly for a-yuan that he forgives the little things like a-yuan making inkbrushes levitate or him baby-babbling to crows on the windowsill.

yllz—who eventually tells the gusu lan sect to just call him wwx—continues to travel and let his infamy grow. he's still the fearsome yiling patriarch, whose services come at a price you must consider carefully before paying.

also his contracts are now super long and detailed.

sometimes he disappears off the face of the earth for a few months. "He's gone back beneath the earth to gain more power from the dead," some of the whispers say.

nah, he's just gone back to the cloud recesses to be a good parent and betrothed.

sizhui is a very bright child—obedient, filial, studious, nd quick to learn. no one in the cloud recesses says it, but they're all planning the presentation of their very own sect's sorcerer in about a decade or so.

lwj and wwx are proud parents and make sure sizhui knows this.

lwj and wwx eventually marry in a modest, beautiful ceremony. on their wedding night, wwx points out that since sizhui is such an excellent kid, would lwj like another one? perhaps soon?

the answer is yes. always yes.

in the future, their children gain renown for their magic. they travel—helping others, gathering and testing ingredients for better potions, and making their marks on the world.

and they always, always carefully revise every contract they make.

-- THE END --

bonus: every time wwx returns and yoinks sizhui out of his classes for a day of fun and exploration, he always yells, "HANGUANG-JUN, I'VE COME FOR YOUR FIRSTBORN."

lwj always obligingly answers, "oh no. whatever shall i do. the yiling patriarch is too wicked. oh no."

extra bonus: bandits capture a gusu lan junior for ransom. sizhui goes out to meet them to request their release.

bandits: and why should we listen to you?

sizhui: because I'm asking nicely. my father, the yiling patriarch, will not ask at all.

they release the kid.