Today in staying in my lane: accepting there are some things I'm very good at and instead of trying to hide those things from people who might judge me, trying to embrace allowing people to know, and to let them ask me about what I know. I love helping people.
Somewhere along the line I picked up this chip on my shoulder where I feel like people don't like me or don't want me to be a part of things I'm a part of. I don't want to be reclusive. I'm afraid of online harassment again like 2012 with stalking but I can't hide forever.
No matter what you do, there are people out there who will stalk and harass. If I'm gonna choose to be online, I'm gonna choose to be online. If not, I should probably look elsewhere to express myself. But this limbo BS I've got stuck in can't carry on.
How does this relate to staying in my lane? It's something that's come about as a result of me practicing mindfulness about what I enjoy participating in and what I don't. I've got more free time now that I stop myself watching/reading content I dislike or don't care about.
& naturally I'm filling this free time with thoughts about what I do want to watch/read - turns out there isn't much (this is a good thing). So here's to filling that time with thinking, planning, writing stuff down. I'm going to make everything come together for the better.

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More from @kijasmata

1 Mar
I've decided to stream making some cosplays soon!

I've been wanting to make some for years now, but never had the time to do it because I want to get the details right. I got the latex for a Lara Croft outfit 2+ years ago! I also had ideas for some Overwatch ones, and others.
I've been thinking about it a lot because I was making a Black Cat cosplay today (pics below of the process).
Read 5 tweets
28 Dec 20
I realised a year or so ago that complaining as much as I do is really bad for my mind. It also reinforces neural pathways for more complaining in future. I won't "get it out of my system", but will reinforce it in my system. So more complaining. I've been trying not to complain.
It's really hard though because for years I've reinforced these pathways that make me moan about shit. & I get it. I've had some shit times in life. I've lacked support. I'm in physical pain all the time. I have depression that won't go away. & complaining doesn't help. Sadly.
Complaining does make me feel bad, or at least reinforces my focusing on negative feelings over any positive ones I might have. So I've been trying to do that. It's really really slow & difficult as it's so in my nature to complain but it does seem to be helping.
Read 8 tweets
26 Dec 20
ADHD meds update:

It's weird when you have a day off of taking meds because you go back to being super forgetful, but you don't remember you're going to forget, so you're not constantly checking to see what you forgot, & end up blissfully unaware of it all until it's too late.
I'd say that this is probably a sign that the meds are working. My crippling anxiety has gone. I'm no longer constantly paranoid about whether there's something important I should be doing instead of whatever thing I'm doing at any given moment.
When I was young & didn't take responsibility for much, I used to just do whatever I felt like, & deal with any consequences after the fact, regardless of what they were. But after my Mum died, I couldn't do that or I'd have just died somehow (no exaggeration).
Read 4 tweets

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