Thread by @lanzhanqilai

college au wangxian where they meet at uni & wwx is instantly enamoured w first-in-class, aloof, perfect, popular, shiny, beautiful lwj & thinks to himself "that's my husband" & concocts a horrible plan to get himself noticed among all the suitors

everyone in class is bringing him flowers & asking him to dinner & requesting tutoring help & confessing directly, so what is there left to do? well. is there anything like bonding over solving a unique & intruging problem? no, wwx thinks,

& that's why he, off the cuff, out of his mind, shouts at lwj one day "lan zhan! i really need your help with... mending my comforter!"

look, in his defense, it's been a real problem he has! jc can't sew & his sister's not around & wq would stab him w the needle before the comforter so who else could he ask but perfect, wonderful, all-rounder lwj?

he could also do it himself but that is not the point.

& to his surprise, his gamble on being an absolute, out-of-left-field dumbass pays off! lwj stops, stunned in the hallway, face slack, & quietly he goes "ok" & they do it! they set a date & time to Help Wei Ying Mend His Comforter Because He Can't Sew But Lan Zhan Can

now this is the kicker: Perfect, Beautiful, Wonderful, All-Rounder Lan Wangji Does Not Know How To Sew, Actually

well if he doesn't know how to sew why did he say yes? we all know that it's bc lwj was in fact instantly enamoured w clever, friendly, loud, popular, shiny, beautiful wwx at first sight & so he may or may not have blacked out upon being invited over & subconsciously accepted

this means, of course, that this must go perfectly for him, he must charm wwx & wwx must not think him a FOOL who can't SEW. so he brings his brother ("you're an adult who can sew") as back-up. to this not-date.

oh i forgot to add! lxc can't sew ❤️

so anw, they arrive upon the day of sewing & the lan bros have made it to wwx's dorm. lxc, being the supportive brother he is who assumed "sewing" was a euphemism & 93% assumed he's here to be lwj's ride, tells them he can "stay in the living room ^^ don't get too rowdy ^^""!"

while wwx rushes to tidy his room a bit, lwj hisses at his brother "ge what the FUCK how do i SEW please i brought you to HELP ME" & lxc is like "wangji ^^"" just...go w what feels right! don't rush it! & be safe!!!" & lwj wants to throttle him for being so vague & weird

but soon he has more pressing issues bc he follows wwx & wow he's done it. he's in his room. that's the desk he works at, & those are his techdecks & that's his guitar & there's the bed he sleeps in & oh god there's the comforter fuck that's right he came here for a reason

wwx grins at him & says "i'm glad you know how to sew, lan zhan! bc i can't! obviously! but i do have this sewing kit." & lwj nods silently when wwx shows him the rip & he hopes it's a convincing Sewer's Nod like he's on the case, he's diagnosed the sewing problem,,

suddenly there is a threaded needle in his hand & wwx is chinhandsing in anticipation & lwj gets very very flustered at those sparkly eyes staring at him w adoration & so he thinks "fuck it" & stabs the needle down into the comforter where it pokes through one layer & gets stuck

everything is very very silent for one moment & lwj is frozen in fear, in anticipation, in confusion. is this...what the needle is supposed to do? what does he do now? did he already blow it? why is his brother playing plants vs zombies so loud outside?

wwx doesn't say anything & lwj is too afraid to look at his reaction from the periphery so he thinks "fuck it" once more, w feeling, & stabs the comforter again. this, he thinks, must be sewing.

it's hard, at this point, for wwx to describe exactly what he's feeling. he's elated to have lwj here. he's nervous for how he's gonna ask him out after. he's fascinated to have stumbled upon the one thing lwj can't do. he's mourning his comforter. he's itching to sew it himself.

his fingers twitch every time lwj stabs, creating little punctures instead of, you know, sewing, & he jerks forward at a particularly ferocious jab & lets a whimper ("no") slip out that gets lwj to stop & look up to which wwx quickly covers w "nnooo way lan zhan you're so good!"

he's not very convincing though bc lwj instantly deflates & he sets down the needle & softly confesses "i can't sew" AS IF IT'S SOME BIG SECRET AT THIS POINT, YEAH WE KNOW, YOU DINGUS, WE COULD TELL, ACTUALLY

but wwx, of course, is instantly freaked out bc oh no oh god he made lan zhan unhappy no no no lan zhan should never feel bad abt anything so he blurts out "no you're great it's fine! don't worry abt it! you don't even have to do it i can do it haha"

& without even thinking he picks up the needle & sews the rip closed with a perfect, tight stitch in 5m.

then wwx realizes what he's done, he's exposed, the jig is up, his ass is out, & he & lwj stare at each other just. unsure where to next take this disaster & wwx thinks "quick, how do i explain to him that i did know how to sew but i wanted a unique & intriguing way to approach--

him so i thought i'd throw some surprise comforter action on him while also getting him in my room but not to seduce him or anything it'd just be nice & i could ask him out after he showed off his sewing skills that i assumed he would have & i could flatter him abt?"

since there's no easy way to say all that, wwx does the next best thing & very intelligently says "please date me" & lwj very quickly & intelligently replies "ok" even though he doesn't understand a lick of what's just occurred & you know what? he doesn't need to, no frills king

by the time lxc is on level 48, his brother & wwx emerge from his room all shy but holding hands & lxc very tactfully asks "so did you...sew?" & lwj mumbles "wei ying did" & lxc is like "...by...himself...?" & lwj nods & lxc doesn't really know what to do so he says "nice"

eventually, they do do some euphemistic sewing, & even matrimonial sewing, & lwj never truly learns to sew bc wwx is always there to do it for him, & lxc never truly learns that sewing isn't really a euphemism bc wangxian is always there to prove that anything can be euphemistic

if u enjoyed this, that's very rad & please know that this is the story of how my parents met, thank u i love u ❤️ also this is my ko-fi for shitpost fuel
ko-fi.com/lanzhanqilai