A long time ago, before we had kids, my darling husband got into that state of drunkenness where you don’t quite remember how you got home.
This is a thread about the rights and wrongs of victim blaming.
This is a thread about the rights and wrongs of victim blaming.
In the morning he couldn’t find his phone, and it was only a few hours later, as the fog cleared he recalled it being snatched from him as he got off the bus.
He felt like an idiot for recklessly putting himself into harm’s way. And I agreed.
He felt like an idiot for recklessly putting himself into harm’s way. And I agreed.
Whoever snatched the phone was clearly in the wrong. But my husband had been foolish, and felt he shared some blame.
I think many people would agree with him. And might think that therefore it’s also ok to say women bear part of the blame for ‘putting themselves in harm’s way.‘
I think many people would agree with him. And might think that therefore it’s also ok to say women bear part of the blame for ‘putting themselves in harm’s way.‘
Here’s why it’s different.
1. The obvious one is the magnitude of the offence. It is never ok to steal someone’s personal property. But to have your body and often your self worth violated by sexual assault of any kind is worse.
1. The obvious one is the magnitude of the offence. It is never ok to steal someone’s personal property. But to have your body and often your self worth violated by sexual assault of any kind is worse.
2. The second is the magnitude of the adjustment we are asking people to make to stay safe. It is good advice for everyone to not get so drunk they can’t make memories, for a whole host of reasons.
But if we wanted to stay safe from any kind of sexual harassment, abuse or assault, women would basically need to stop living. Stop walking to school. Stop going to the shops. Stop catching buses. Stop going to bars. Stop going for a run.
Life has risks. And it’s true we all have personal responsibility to protect ourselves. I keep my car locked and my bike inside a bike shed. I double lock my front door. I keep my purse in a zipped pocket of my bag - or at least I did when I went anywhere.
In equality law there’s this principle of “reasonable adjustments” - you need to adapt to accommodate people with different needs but only as far as is reasonable.
Locking my door is a reasonable adjustment to a world where some people don’t mind breaking the law.
Never leaving the house is not a reasonable adjustment. The abusers need to change, not me.
Never leaving the house is not a reasonable adjustment. The abusers need to change, not me.
Ps just to avoid doubt: imo society ought to be making huge adjustments to accommodate the needs of a physically, mentally and neurologically diverse population. It is “reasonable” to do so even if the shift is big.
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