Thread by @znfrey

@Making_of_a_Mom @tannerguzy Deliberately encourage risk-taking. Especially as a mother, it's important for you to give your children (especially boys!) room to push their boundaries and experience consequences without Mommy swooping in to keep everyone pain-free.

@Making_of_a_Mom @tannerguzy Good martial arts programs are priceless; @tannerguzy and @noufalibrahim already covered that.

Competitive team sports are good.

There's a healthy balance between "participation! yay!" and "WINNING IS EVERYTHING"

@Making_of_a_Mom @tannerguzy @noufalibrahim A good youth coach once told my kid's team

"It's not about the winning and losing. We're out here to have fun as a team.

But... let me tell you, it's a lot more *fun* when you win!"

This is a healthy balance.

@Making_of_a_Mom @tannerguzy @noufalibrahim Embrace boredom!

Not yours, theirs.

Let your kids have unstructured time that *they* are responsible for filling.

This includes but is not limited to "sun's out, you're out - go find something to do outside"

@Making_of_a_Mom @tannerguzy @noufalibrahim Encourage and teach emotional resilience.

Teach "internal locus of control".

This also requires balance. In the example of a sensitive child being bullied, you need simultaneously keep multiple viewpoints:

(continued)

@Making_of_a_Mom @tannerguzy @noufalibrahim - Validating the child's feelings.

"Yes, it's OK to feel upset that Billy was mean to you."

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@Making_of_a_Mom @tannerguzy @noufalibrahim - Upholding the moral order of the universe.

"Yes, that was mean. You're right; Billy shouldn't be a jerk to you."

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@Making_of_a_Mom @tannerguzy @noufalibrahim - Problem-solving with the child

"Do you think it would help if you did X to avoid Billy?"

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@Making_of_a_Mom @tannerguzy @noufalibrahim Now come the extra difficult parts.

- Correcting your child when needed. This is also part of upholding the moral order of the universe

"You know, it sounds like you might have been mean to Billy too"

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@Making_of_a_Mom @tannerguzy @noufalibrahim - And finally, encouraging internal locus of control. Hard, because part of being a child is *not* having this control developed.

"You know, just because Billy says stupid mean things to you don't mean you have to pay attention."

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@Making_of_a_Mom @tannerguzy @noufalibrahim This takes care; you want children to internalize that controlling their reactions is a form of *power*

You do not want them to internalize "oh, it's your fault for letting them get to you."

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@Making_of_a_Mom @tannerguzy @noufalibrahim It's similar to physical risk - you want to let children experience some emotional rough-and-tumble. Let them get their bumps and bruises, and help them learn through it.

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@Making_of_a_Mom @tannerguzy @noufalibrahim Finally, a point with boys and mothers specifically:

*It's OK if boys get into fights occasionally*

Physical altercations are far from the worst thing that can happen to a child.

Your mother-bear instincts will be engaged; you have to keep them on a leash for this

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@Making_of_a_Mom @tannerguzy @noufalibrahim Something that women have a hard time understanding about boys and men:

You can fistfight someone and be best buddies with them 20 minutes later.

Not always; but it happens more often than you think.

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@Making_of_a_Mom @tannerguzy @noufalibrahim Important to distinguish between peers working out their differences

and truly dangerous situations requiring intervention.

i.e., much older and larger child bullying, or being outnumbered many-to-one.

"Zero tolerance" policies make no allowance for this.

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@Making_of_a_Mom @tannerguzy @noufalibrahim Do the above, and you will give your children a priceless gift.

Nothing in parenting is guaranteed, but you'll have improved their odds greatly.

Good luck and God bless!

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