Zach Frey Profile picture
12 Mar, 16 tweets, 12 min read
@Making_of_a_Mom @tannerguzy Deliberately encourage risk-taking. Especially as a mother, it's important for you to give your children (especially boys!) room to push their boundaries and experience consequences without Mommy swooping in to keep everyone pain-free.
@Making_of_a_Mom @tannerguzy Good martial arts programs are priceless; @tannerguzy and @noufalibrahim already covered that.

Competitive team sports are good.

There's a healthy balance between "participation! yay!" and "WINNING IS EVERYTHING"
@Making_of_a_Mom @tannerguzy @noufalibrahim A good youth coach once told my kid's team

"It's not about the winning and losing. We're out here to have fun as a team.

But... let me tell you, it's a lot more *fun* when you win!"

This is a healthy balance.
@Making_of_a_Mom @tannerguzy @noufalibrahim Embrace boredom!

Not yours, theirs.

Let your kids have unstructured time that *they* are responsible for filling.

This includes but is not limited to "sun's out, you're out - go find something to do outside"
@Making_of_a_Mom @tannerguzy @noufalibrahim Encourage and teach emotional resilience.

Teach "internal locus of control".

This also requires balance. In the example of a sensitive child being bullied, you need simultaneously keep multiple viewpoints:

@Making_of_a_Mom @tannerguzy @noufalibrahim - Validating the child's feelings.

"Yes, it's OK to feel upset that Billy was mean to you."

@Making_of_a_Mom @tannerguzy @noufalibrahim - Upholding the moral order of the universe.

"Yes, that was mean. You're right; Billy shouldn't be a jerk to you."

@Making_of_a_Mom @tannerguzy @noufalibrahim - Problem-solving with the child

"Do you think it would help if you did X to avoid Billy?"

@Making_of_a_Mom @tannerguzy @noufalibrahim Now come the extra difficult parts.

- Correcting your child when needed. This is also part of upholding the moral order of the universe

"You know, it sounds like you might have been mean to Billy too"

@Making_of_a_Mom @tannerguzy @noufalibrahim - And finally, encouraging internal locus of control. Hard, because part of being a child is *not* having this control developed.

"You know, just because Billy says stupid mean things to you don't mean you have to pay attention."

@Making_of_a_Mom @tannerguzy @noufalibrahim This takes care; you want children to internalize that controlling their reactions is a form of *power*

You do not want them to internalize "oh, it's your fault for letting them get to you."

@Making_of_a_Mom @tannerguzy @noufalibrahim It's similar to physical risk - you want to let children experience some emotional rough-and-tumble. Let them get their bumps and bruises, and help them learn through it.

@Making_of_a_Mom @tannerguzy @noufalibrahim Finally, a point with boys and mothers specifically:

*It's OK if boys get into fights occasionally*

Physical altercations are far from the worst thing that can happen to a child.

Your mother-bear instincts will be engaged; you have to keep them on a leash for this

@Making_of_a_Mom @tannerguzy @noufalibrahim Something that women have a hard time understanding about boys and men:

You can fistfight someone and be best buddies with them 20 minutes later.

Not always; but it happens more often than you think.

@Making_of_a_Mom @tannerguzy @noufalibrahim Important to distinguish between peers working out their differences

and truly dangerous situations requiring intervention.

i.e., much older and larger child bullying, or being outnumbered many-to-one.

"Zero tolerance" policies make no allowance for this.

@Making_of_a_Mom @tannerguzy @noufalibrahim Do the above, and you will give your children a priceless gift.

Nothing in parenting is guaranteed, but you'll have improved their odds greatly.

Good luck and God bless!


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More from @znfrey

31 Aug 20
"Self-sufficiency is OPTIONALITY"

Powerful summary of good wisdom there.
Example: gardening.

Cue the Adam Smith zealots crying "efficiency!"

And the knee-jerk reaction against the word "subsistence", which everyone treats as meaning "impoverished"
But "subsistence farming" (which is what home gardens are) only means that you're growing for your own use, instead of for market sale
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