*sucks in gut at the prospect of a single j-lo*
she's actually older than me, we can make this work, he said straining to hold everything in, trying not to exhale
we have a lot of shared interests, he says, face turning blue. she was one of the fly girls and i... watched in living color.
i really think j-lo should call me, he said beginning to lose consciousness, i mean a-rod played baseball and ive been to several games

*passes out*

call me
(very open to being the may to j-lo's december)

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More from @owillis

12 Mar
its not comforting for transgender people, and we have to actually *do things* and not just have history magically fix wrongs, but i remember circa 2000-2008 when it seemed like the anti- movement on marriage equality was winning.
they kept rolling up wins in state legislatures, even in california when obama won in 08. but then, ultimately, they lost. and they lost so badly that republicans now pretend they were always for same-sex marriage.
(the same way conservatives now pretend they were always for interracial marriage)
Read 4 tweets
12 Mar
i like how with obama, republicans are freaking out at biden saying perfectly normal and fine and even boring things in a way normal people will not.
biden: we're gonna get vaccines by may, and then on july 4 you can celebrate w family

republicans: BIDEN IS ORDERING US ON THE RIGHT WAY TO CELEBRATE THE FOURTH OF JULY, HASHTAG WILL NOT COMPLY

normal people:
how this ends:

biden: i like pie. every american should have some pie if they enjoy pie.

gop: BIDEN FORCING PIE DOWN OUR THROATS. HE'S CLOGGING OUR THROAT WITH PIE, THRUSTING CRUST DEEP DOWN OUR GULLETS! WATCH ME VOMIT! VOMIT FOR FREEDOM!!! *yack*
Read 4 tweets
12 Mar
I hope everyone remembered this morning to sing a jaunty song in honor of Chairman Joe, on this, our first complete day under Full Communism
Rejoice glorious workers! The grain you harvest today will be delivered to the masses now that the state has seized all supermarkets and 7-11s
Come come now workers! Enjoy the wondrous vaccines that Chairman Joe provides us after making Big Pharma wards of the state. Jabs in arms makes the collective strong and better producers!
Read 4 tweets
11 Mar
i dont predict things (much) but i feel like gop refusal to support rocket fuel for the next great american boom could turn out to be as fatal a mistake as naming the affordable care act "obamacare" in the hopes that linking it with his name would hurt things.
how can we get republicans to refer to the rescue plan as "biden bucks" only to have them being pro-biden bucks like they try to be pro-obamacare now?
Read 4 tweets
11 Mar
President Biden POWERFULLY signing rescue plan today! Checks STRONGLY going out! People going back to work, getting vaccines!!! Now your beautiful 401(k) can grow!!! He is making America great again, and you have your country back, ENJOY!!!⭐️⭐️⭐️🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸 #MABA
"Sir, you must sign the rescue plan on Friday, sir"
"Malarkey, I'm signing it today"
"But sir--"
"Signing it today"
*Man, strong man, has tears in his eyes, very rough guy, rough*
#PresidentBiden is WINNING for you! Powerfully winning, stocks are STRONGER THAN THEY HAVE EVER BEEN. Enjoy!!! ⭐️⭐️⭐️🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸 #MABA
Read 4 tweets
11 Mar
think i mostly have feelings of dislike, strongly dislike, hate, and loathe for nearly everyone in politics and the press and they just go in the right bucket
i really dont go with liberal fandom culture. i dont go wild about any of these people. i feel like libs go wild for some of these people like people love taylor swift. and i dont.
i will never ever feel for an msnbc show the way i will for a marvel movie. won't ever happen.
Read 4 tweets

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