You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.
—Milton Berle
—Milton Berle
Donald Trump is a problem solver the way Godzilla is a city planner.
—Trevor Noah
—Trevor Noah
If it talks like a goose and walks like a goose, it’s a Nazi.
—Seth Meyers
—Seth Meyers
The Republicans have gone from Abraham Lincoln to Sarah Palin to Donald Trump. No wonder they don’t believe in evolution.
—Andy Borowitz
—Andy Borowitz
The difference between Obama and Dick Cheney: when Obama shoots someone in the face it's Osama bin Laden.
—Andy Borowitz
—Andy Borowitz
It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.
—H. L. Mencken
—H. L. Mencken
Be the person your dog thinks you are.
—J.W. Stephens
—J.W. Stephens
The U.N. is a place where governments opposed to free speech demand to be heard!
—Alfred E. Neuman
—Alfred E. Neuman
On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.
—H. L. Mencken, The Baltimore Evening Sun, July 26, 1920
—H. L. Mencken, The Baltimore Evening Sun, July 26, 1920
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
—Harry S Truman
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
—W. C. Fields
—Harry S Truman
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
—W. C. Fields
Ah yes! Conservatives. Some of the finest minds of the 12th Century.
—Paul Begala
—Paul Begala
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