Thread by @bombsfall

watching the justice league: the whedon cut

they finally figured out how to get me to watch another superhero movie: two movies made out of the same movie

i've tried to explain why, despite thinking it's a mindnumbing fiasco, i like Batman vs Superman more than just about any Marvel movie I've seen, but i think it's this: for better or worse BvS seems like it came from a specific brain as opposed to an algorithm.

that is faint praise but just saying

if i was rebuilding my son into a robot i would avoid putting super bright colorful LEDs on his new face but that's just me

rebuilding my son into a gaming pc

this movie is like 90% people doing "as you well know," dialogue

burying the cosmic superweapon in a 3 foot hole in the woods, to hide it forever

i'm halfway through this movie and it still feels like it's the first act

the movie asks the question: what if you only needed a first act

it's really funny when superheroes are going somewhere together and they're all in their little suits

does aquaman summon a giant sea tortoise or something in this

if not: why

does wonder woman summon a giant sea tortoise at least

*gal godot voice* sea tortoise. i summon you.

until they summon a giant sea tortoise superhero movies are just empty potential

ok i have moved on to the snyder cut and i'm glad they're taking the time to really show batman and his horse traveling over a glacier. ruined the original not knowing how he got to that part of iceland

i have to tap out for the night. these movies aren't great. this whole comparison thing is interesting from like a cinematic craft perspective but the fact that both films and this entire genre are just total sludge is making this tedious.

they all get by on the charisma of the core cast b/c there is nothing else to grasp onto and this cast is only like 60% enjoyable. i do like jason momoa as shitty dirtbag aquaman. that is an aquaman who tailgates at a fest where Disturbed are playing. that aquaman owes you $60

remember the time aquaman texted you out of the blue to help him move a washing machine up a flight of stairs into his dank apartment because he was going to start charging people to use it instead of going to the laudromat? he had TWO boondock saints posters in there

and then he realized he didn't have the right wall plug so he opened that big window in the front room and shoved the washer out onto the parking lot and it dinged your car and he said he'd pay for it and thankfully your cousin buffed it out for $60. aquaman never paid you back

then he'd have a "party" that was just you and some other guy sitting in his one room that had an astroturf rug and christmas lights on all year and he was burning incense for "the chicks" that were supposed to arrive(?) but the only thing that showed up was a giant sea tortoise

back on this. Bethany has joined me for moral support

you know if any movie was going to come out of this, i'd watch affleck and momoa as bickering superheroes stuck together for a week. not doing anything remotely superheroic. actually they can not be superheroes, that works too

as we're watching this we're realizing that Bethany has never watched any of the marvel or dc movies of the past decade. she has somehow skated through

surprised to find the The Flash is even more lol random bazinga in the Snyder version

this all feels less like a movie and more like a very expensive netflix show. or hbo show i guess

the funny thing is bethany HAS seen The Boys, which is responding to the last decade of superhero media

The Lost Box Of Men

watching this endless movie it's wild how they cut like 3/4 of the cyborg guy's story for the theatrical version, and it's probably the best arc in this godawful mess

they're all just hanging out chatting but still in their bulky costumes. this will never not be funny.

ok i finished it. it's not great. but i did it.

do i get a prize