Thread by @SportsbkConsig

Story time from the book:

So we are through round one of the Madness. It has been an absolutely crazy couple of days,

The next two days are always so much fun because now you know me, I know you and we are all enjoying the hoops.

Here are a few tips to make it go smooth the..

rest of the way of “boy band weekend” otherwise known as the NCAA tourney in the book..

1. NOBODY, and I mean NOBODY, cares about your bracket unless they ask. And even then, they may just be trying to be nice.

You had Ohio State in your Final Four? Texas? Or you had UConn..

in the Sweet 16? Two shits. Not one, but two shits. That’s how much anyone in the book cares.

And for all you geniuses (Not you Matty from Yahoo) who picked Oral Roberts and Abilene Christian and Ohio U outright, you all lyin..complete bullshit..

These guys could actually..

break their own arms patting themselves on the back at the counter in the book..

Guy needs a “Go Go Gadget” arm to avoid a trip to the ER..

In the book, tickets and cash are the proof. You got one or the other, let alone both, I’m interested. Otherwise, keep the line moving..

and make me laugh..if I ask, tell me a story..if I don’t, bet types, game numbers and cash in hand.

Leave the bracket talk to your band mates at your table..

2. Stop with the sharp/square talk. Ask someone else. I’ve been saying forever. Who is this sharp guy everybody keeps..

asking about? And why do we all want to take a shot at the square? It’s such a perfect shape, all equal lines and great angles.

Speaking of angles, how about all the protractors in the book? You know them, the guy who has all the angles. Listen, I love numbers as much as..

anyone, but NOT AT THE GODDAMN WINDOW..

I move to change the sharp/square talk to parallelograms & rhombuses..

Way more fun to say, hard to spell and nobody gets pissed off for being called one or not being a part of the other..

3. As a public service announcement, I have..

to say it. It’s perfect weather right now here. I mean, it’s been Chamber of Commerce perfect weather. Lots of you out in the sun and pools and places like Stadium Swim getting your drink on.

PUT SOME SUNSCREEN ON!!

Like the kids say, alotta you be pasty. And just like the..

Unders in the games, the Vegas Sun is strong and keeps coming..

I’ve seen people make their bets in the morning, and by the 4pm starts, they look like they were sitting on the equator.

Cover yo shit up a little and wear the 30 SPF. It’s for your own good. I know you want..

to have some color when you go back home to humble brag that you went to Vegas for the Madness, but isn’t it enough that you went to Vegas for the Madness?

4. No matter what, no matter what book you in, with all the bets, sweats and collects you do, how many nice people you..

meet, how many boy bands you see, how much fun you have or money you win or lose, there is always a jagoff that you will not forget.

For me, it’s pretty easy.

These guys are here all the time, off and on, but this week is special.

Nominations for “Jagoff in the book” during..

March Madness opening weekend include:

Wet Money guy.

We all know this jagoff. He has been in and out of the pool all day, has first degree burn sunburn, -400 he is from somewhere cold, and -800 he had Wisconsin vs UNC in round one.

Wet Money guy, aka WMG, is so flush with..

cash after round one that he don’t want to leave it in the fanny pack by the pool or in the cabana so he keeps it in his pocket IN HIS BATHING SUIT..

Then, he comes to the window, fires off his bets, and goes “Sorry, the money is wet.”

No shit? Wet, huh? You are lucky I don’t..

reach across this counter and slap the shit outta your sunburnt ass! Dry your money. Don’t be the WMG.

Second nominee for “Jagoff in the Book, March Madness edition” is the No Game Number Guy.

You know the one. We went over this shit the first two days. Everything has..

a number..

It’s usually one of the back up singers or the roadies that just can’t get the game numbers thing down. The lead singers usually do ok with it, but when you come to the counter and go “I’ll take Wisconsin” and stop talking, I know you aren’t listening.

By now, you..

should sound like “straight bet, 833 -3, 22 to win 20. Or parlay, 833, 837 over And 840 money line for 10.”

Two days to get it right. If you don’t, you are No Game Numbers Guy.

Lastly, there is always one of these jagoffs. Even when you tell them they can’t, they do. Some..

Books have even changed the rules to eliminate this jagoff from competing for the award. But, alas, he will not be denied.

The final nomination for the “Jagoff in the Book, March Madness edition” is the “Look at me Cigar Guy.”

Oh, you know the one. He is there with his smug..

I Don’t Give A Fuck attitude, in the center of the book, blowing rings of smoke into the air.

He doesn’t care that smoking is bad for you, that second hand smoke sucks, and even that the book is non smoking unless you are in the back..

He is here, he is wearing his fancy ass..

Coach glasses, has the fake Rolly on, and is rooting the game on as if he were coaching on the sideline..

All the while, his Swisher Sweet is burning and giving 98% of us a goddamn headache that would kill a small cat..

Oh, believe me, it’s -800 that it’s a Cohiba Cuban cigar..

that you likely just paid $30 for in the gift shop, you bubaluke, but it still smells like shit in the book in a room filled with 95% men drinking, eating and sweating, LITERALLY SWEATING, games..

Outside, smoke away..in the cigar lounge, puff on that thing to your heart’s..

desire..

In the book, leave it out..wanna be cool, Smokey? Leave that shit unlit and root your games in without lighting it, then when you cash that smokin hot 6 teamer, go light it up at the club..

“Hey Dean. Put that shit out, would ya?”

“Sammy, kiss my ass. I have..

a dime on Oral Roberts money line, and I’m at a book in Vegas. It’s a medium blend Montechristo anyways. That’s a good cigar.”

Sammy looked at his friend Dean.

“I’m telling you this, you big lummox. You had the wet money. You just won’t use the goddamn game numbers no matter..

how many times Linda tells ya, and now you want to be Winston Churchill with the cigar. When Frank comes out and tells you that you are a jagoff, I’m gonna say I told you so.”

Hello sir. My name is Frank.

Enjoy the games, and don’t be a jagoff in the book, March Madness edition

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