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Author Sakwah Ongoma Profile picture
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24 Mar, 9 tweets, 2 min read
A THREAD OF MY THREADS.

The thread will feature the stories I have shared before.

1. New Year's Eve with Chebet
2. Karifooo
3. The Luo Babe
4. The mean neighbor
5. The Fights.
6. The Landlord
7. The Curfew Horror
8. COVID Thieves
etc.
Chebet's
STORY THREAD

Kenyans will incite you into chaos while they sit back at home and watch you burn in the mayhem.

Karifo Story Thread

Being the largest shopping mall in Kenya makes the Two Rivers Mall one of the places every Kenyan wants to go shopping.

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More from @CSakwah

Author Sakwah Ongoma Profile picture
23 Mar
A year ago, just a few days after the curfew was enforced, I found myself on the road past curfew time. I was walking from Ruaka town. There were no boda bodas. Just as I was about to branch off Limuru road towards my place, I saw a police Landcruiser moving towards me.

Thread
My first thoughts were to run towards my place. I quickly shed off that idea. It was a bad idea. My place was like 500M off the road. I would have been arrested by the time I got to my house. Therefore, I decided to hide in the nearby bush, a small thicket just off the road.
Limuru Road used to have some of those bushes before its expansion. I lay low, motionless. A minute later, the cruiser pulled by the thicket. Had they seen me? I wondered. At that time, those who flouted the COVID rules were being temporarily detained at KMTC and KU for 2 weeks.
Read 11 tweets
Author Sakwah Ongoma Profile picture
16 Mar
Story Thread

short

There was this day when my house got locked because I had defaulted paying rent.
The agent called me to inform me that she was sending a guy to lock my door.
'If you are in the house, park and leave before noon.
If you are out of your house on errands, don't come back because we would have locked the door by noon,' she said over the phone.
I lied to her that I was not in the house. I did not have somewhere that I would have crushed as I looked for rent.
At none, I heard someone add another lock on the door. I spent three days locked inside the house.
On the third day, I paid my rent and asked the agent to unlock their padlock from my door. She said she was going to send over the same guy who locked it to unlock it.
Read 5 tweets
Author Sakwah Ongoma Profile picture
16 Mar
STORY THREAD

A young rich couple once wanted their home cleaned but they were very broke to afford a cleaning company at that moment. They came up with a plot to have their home cleaned without spending a dime.
Sitting in my bedsitter in Huntus, Kasarani, one evening, I didn’t know that I was the guy to clean their home in Membley Estate. That evening, a lady I had been trying to woo on Facebook eventually replied to my inbox in an encouraging manner.
Initially, I did not believe how she suddenly escalated our chat into inviting me to her home in Membley the following day for a day of coitus. Unsuspecting of her ploy, I finally fell into her trap and paid her home a visit.
Read 23 tweets
Author Sakwah Ongoma Profile picture
3 Mar
STORY THREAD

I was in the village resigned to the fate that the society and the world had bestowed upon me; a failed life. Life in the village as a dropout was near hell, until one day, I received a text message bearing the greatest news one would get in my situation.
Someone was offering me a job in the city. I, a university drop-out, was being offered a job that I would earn more than 100K per month. It was unbelievable.
Initially, I was filled with skepticism but the man who was offering me the job convinced me otherwise.
He had a company in Nairobi and needed someone to market the products of his company while sitting in the comfort of his sitting room. ‘You fit the profile of the person that I am looking for,’ the heaven-send stranger texted me.
Read 32 tweets
Author Sakwah Ongoma Profile picture
25 Feb
STORY THREAD

TBT

Her name was Mercy, the kind of a name that eats fare mercilessly. This one started eating fare a long time ago even before the atrocious feminine habit was declared a national disaster at the Men’s Conference of 2015 by Sir Freshly Mwamburi.
She had grown her eating fare talent to become the chairlady of the association of women fare-eaters, I presumed.
In Dec 2012, I met Mercy through a friend at The University of Nairobi. She was a cousin to my friend, Mike.
Mike was the type to flaunt the inbuilt beauty of his female cousins around and peddles them to his friends. She was not ata that beautiful, but she had a body to crave for.
Mercy was a student at Moi Uni at a time when the admin used to send students on impromptu long holidays.
Read 35 tweets
Author Sakwah Ongoma Profile picture
9 Feb
STORY THREAD

Last week, my cousin experienced the beating that befell South Migirango MP, Sylvanus Osoro, in the hands of Hon. Simba Arati, when his girlfriend’s father found him inside his house. His girlfriend had invited him to her home in Nyayo Estate while her father
was supposed to be away in the village still extending his village Christmas visit.
She had traveled back to Nairobi after Christmas ahead of her father to take her university exams. After her last exam paper, she invited my cousin, her coursemate, to her home.
‘We were just chilling, bro. I had no other coitus motives whatever. I can’t shag a lady from her parent’s house. Plus, she had insisted that she had the whole house by herself and she was bored. Bro, I was just chilling,’ Kevin shrugged.
Read 44 tweets

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