Thread by @feliciasonmez

Hours before the 3/16 Washington Post town hall that @politico reported on, I had a session with a therapist I hadn’t seen for more than a year (I had changed insurance).

I caught him up on the events of the past year, including all the threats, my doxxing and suspension. 1/x

At one point, he asked me whether I feel supported by the Post’s current management, now that the editor who oversaw my suspension had retired.

And I just burst into tears. 2/x

It was the directness of his question that I think really caught me off guard. I’ve tried to keep my head down and just do my job the best I can, despite having to take myself off sexual assault-related stories at least once every week or two, sometimes even more often. 3/x

I faced no ban my first three months on the job. I wrote #MeToo-related stories with no problem. It was only once the Kavanaugh story broke in Sept. 2018 that the editors enacted one. It was lifted several months later, then reinstated in late 2019 when I was being attacked.. 4/x

... online after the publication of a story about the man who assaulted me. The ban has been in place ever since, for more than a year now.

I’ve pleaded with the editors to lift it, to no avail. So I’ve just kept trying to do my job. But that question from my therapist ... 5/x

... forced me to acknowledge to myself that I do not feel supported by my employer.

Then, the town hall happened. My editor asked me that evening to write on the Violence Against Women Act the next day. I had to tell her I couldn’t. 6/x

My symptoms worsened — a whole lot of vacant staring, which I’ve been doing a fair amount of this weekend. Things got a bit better by Monday, and I went back to work. But then I had to take myself off the Greitens story that night. My trauma response kicked into overdrive. 7/x

I managed to work through Thursday, operating at maybe 30 percent. And then my sick leave began. I planned to stay off Twitter/email and focus on recovering.

The Vanity Fair piece was published that day, and a colleague sent around a link. I read it that night. 8/x

I was stunned to see that the same editor who has silenced me from defending myself online, said nothing when I had to leave my home amid threats and continues to bar me from fully doing my job was being quoted as an authority on protecting female journalists. 9/x

This same editor was aware that his remarks at the 3/16 town hall had caused me deep distress, because my direct manager (@DonnaCassata, the lone editor who has advocated on my behalf) had told him and other members of senior management as much. 10/x

So, even though I would have rather stuck to my plan to stay offline and focus on recovering, something needed to be said — both at the town hall and on Friday. And I’ll continue to do so. 11/x

This morning I looked through the list of the new @PostGuild leadership, and my heart swelled. They are young, diverse, talented and relentless in their fight for equity. They are the future of our newsroom. They certainly deserve better than this, as do Post readers. 12/x

I guess I’ll close with this. The reason I’ve repeatedly been given by senior editors is that they are worried about “the appearance of a conflict of interest” if they allow me to write on sexual assault. They’ve told me they don’t believe there’s an actual conflict, or ... 13/x

... even that my writing would be biased in any way. I’ve sent them a long list of stories I’ve written that proves that’s not the case.

This reason, I believe, makes no sense. 14/x

If I am attacked online by an army of misogynist trolls, that does not harm The Washington Post any more than my awesome colleague @seungminkim harms the Post by facing a relentless swell of racism online.

Neither of us is less capable of doing our job due to our identity. 15/x

It would be great if senior editors at the Post prioritized *actually supporting* their female and POC staff instead of presenting the appearance of doing so as they compete for the paper’s top job. This harms all of us.

And now, back to my vacant staring. 16/16