Thread by @ClaireBerlinski

Yes, my God, yes. I wander through the world now in a cloud of puzzlement: What did I get up to do? Why is my wallet in the fridge? What on earth did I order on Amazon this time? These nice people calling me to tell me I'm about to host a conference--who *are* they?

https://twitter.com/BBCWorld/status/1377512827179700224

Why must I preface every communication with, "Siri, find my phone?" How many loads of laundry have I run twice because I forgot to take it out before it started to rot? How many times have I stood up firmly to find item X only to find myself somehow losing the next four hours--

either searching for item X, in a blind fury, or forgetting to search for item X because suddenly I remember with horror there's something even more important I've forgotten to do? Something for which item *Y* is required--

but I can't find Item Y, either? And surely it *isn't possible* that I've lost Item Y, because I haven't left the apartment since last using it and Y is an inanimate object! It did not walk out of the f-- apartment of its own accord! By this point,

I've ransacked the sofa three times. The cushions are now on the floor. I've opened every drawer and emptied them out. Their contents are now on the floor. I've gone wilding through all my closets--you get the idea.

Now the whole place look like a haboob hit it and I'm yelling, "Siri, find my glasses!" at my computer until I realize they're on my head; then Google starts beeping at me because my meeting is about to start. I ignore it because I'm *sure* we rescheduled that, right?

Then Zoom tells me I have a meeting (and I figure Zoom's rarely wrong about that) so I dial in and some cheerful woman on the other side---whom I've never seen before in my life--is assuring a crowd of God-knows-how-many that I'll be their speaker today--

--for the life of me I have *no* idea who she is and who they are, but I figure a rousing defence of liberal democracy can't go wrong, so I defend it rousingly; everyone applauds--"Phew"--then I immediately go back to searching frantically for my glasses--

in the hope of maybe reading my email so I can figure out who those nice people were.

To everyone who has been irritated or offended by my forgetfulness of late? Actually, it's not me! It's lockdown!

Catch me when you can, because it's only getting worse.