Thread by @arden_cho

It was the last day of school and a bunch of us were hanging out in the cul-de-sac enjoying the start of summer break. I was resting on my bicycle, laughing and talking to my friends, I was 10 years old.

Out of nowhere a teenage boy kicked my front wheel and I fell to the ground, he then proceeded to yell at me and kick me in the face. My two front teeth were knocked out, my bottom tooth chipped, my whole face was bloodied and scraped, my arms and legs were all cut.

I didn’t know why it was happening but I thought I was being kicked to death, I thought I died.

I was unconscious for a while, when I came to, my mom was crying and my head was in her lap. Our neighbor was driving us to the hospital.

I couldn’t open my right eye, it was swollen shut, everything burned. I thought I was dead and dreaming. Back then, we didn’t fight. We didn’t sue him. We didn’t get justice. The police said he had anger issues, they said he had forgotten to take his meds. He was about 14.

I don’t remember exactly what he was yelling at me while he was kicking me in the head but I believe it was racially motivated. I grew up in a predominantly white neighborhood and I was always the only Asian and I was the only one targeted.

My family said, he’s just a kid also, let’s just move past it. They were happy I was alive, and that was enough. But I was hospitalized for days and I spent the whole summer indoors to heal. Back then I thought I only lost a summer but as an adult I’ve realized I lost a lot more.

That incident along with a few others shaped how I lived my life.

I grew up thinking experiences like that were normal. The next time I was pushed down and called a gook I thought, “oh good I only cut my chin, I didn’t lose any teeth this time.”

When I was sexually harassed I would say, “it’s okay, at least I didn’t get raped. It could have been worse.”

I slept holding my glasses because I thought someone would come in and kidnap me or kill me while I was sleeping.

I’ve always been scared. I had nightmares my entire life, I barely sleep.

I honestly didn’t realize I was living with all this trauma, I thought I was okay. But seeing countless videos of violent attacks has triggered a lot of these memories and it’s been so heavy and painful.

My mom and I talked and cried about it today, she’s sorry we didn’t fight for justice then but I understand why. They were scared, we didn’t have lawyers or money and barely spoke English back then. She didn’t want that incident to be bigger than it needed to be.

Culturally it was normal for us to not make waves, not talk about it and to just move on. Work harder, be better. But now we know that wasn’t the right thing. It’s not okay.

I grew up in Texas and Minnesota with so many racist teachers and classmates. It was normal to me and I accepted it as a reality. One of my best friends is white and she is a great ally, so this is NOT against all white people.

But I am sharing one of my experiences so people will hopefully empathize and understand our struggle. Anti-Asian Racism is real. The gaslighting needs to stop. People have told me, “don’t be scared, no ones hurting Asians.” But I have been hurt, I am hurting.

So please. Will you listen? Will you be an ally? We can’t stop this hate if we don’t have support from other communities. #StopAsianHate

I never thought this but now I wonder if the 14 year old boy hadn’t been white, would the cops have let it go so easily? I wonder if he grew up to be normal, if he thought it was okay to pummel an Asian girl unconscious because he was never held responsible.