Thread by @c_shepherds

Dear friends, welcome to today's edition of #navigatewithidy, brought to you by MTN. Today, Mr. @IdEnang will be commencing a new theme tagged "Anger Management" for the month of April.

We will be looking at this cogent theme from different angles, so make it a date with us...

...every Tuesday and Thursday at 3PM on 91.3 FM @LagosTalks913. Join the conversation today, and be sure to invite a friend as well. Please retweet and if you have questions, please send an email to [e-mail]

Anger is a universal experience but we must be guarded and not in any way allow it to mar our progress and productivity in life.

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

Those who do manage their anger at work, at the family level, and in their relationship, tend to be more successful than those who don’t.

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

While at the workplace, the co-worker who can productively confront his teammates about his negative attitude, increases his team’s chance of success as well as minimize destructive conflicts.

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

This topic is all-embracing because no one can tell you that he/she does not have a tinge of anger, we are human and we will experience anger as long as we are living and breathing.

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

Only dead men can’t afford to be angry because the dead don’t speak, neither do they have recourse for understanding.

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

What is anger? Anger is defined as a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility.

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

Anger tends to pervade the whole environment because of pressure. People are faced with all manner of pressure: societal, economic, financial, and physical...

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

...So all of these come together to bring into space what typically you will term the anger level, the propensity for anger has actually risen in our society.

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

You don’t have to be a psychologist to know that managing your anger is something you have to do well, & so the goal of anger management is to reduce your emotional feeling & the physiological arousal that anger provokes

#navigatewithidy #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

You can’t get rid of or avoid people who anger you, but what you can learn is to control what you can do about it.

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

The most instinctive way to express anger sometimes to some people is to respond aggressively. It is a natural way to a threat because we are humans, but then you must understand balancing the pros and the cons.
#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

A necessary amount of anger is necessary for survival. However, sometimes, we may need to resist what needs to be said because we do not want to upset the status quo –this is also basking in the euphoria of self-awareness
#navigatewithidy #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

However, please note that when you consistently resist what needs to be said because you do not want to upset the status quo, you are not helping matters.

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

Without some degree of conflict, there may be no change or growth whatsoever and that is not good either.

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

If you think that sinful silence is the way and you see that things are degenerating and getting so bad, there is no way that can foster change or growth. Things are going to get worse.

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

What is required is balance and that balance starts with one single element which is SELF-AWARENESS.

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

Self-awareness is a key element for managing your own anger. The use of anger management skills pre-supposes that you know when you are angry and recognize that anger as a cue that something is wrong.

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

Expressing your anger in an assertive but not aggressive way is safe and healthy.

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

We will be looking at the 5 dimensions of Anger, this list is not inexhaustible but it is directional in nature.
For you to understand and develop the skills associated with anger management, think of anger...
#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

as 5 inter-related dimensions and all are operating simultaneously:
1. Our Thoughts when we are angry
2. The emotions that our anger arouses

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

3. The way we let others know we are angry
4. How we experience the world when we are angry
5. How we act when we are angry

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

For example, what you think when you are angry influences how you feel, how you feel when you are angry influences how you communicate. How you communicate affects how you think and how you think affects how you behave.

#navigatewithidy #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

It all starts from how your thoughts are channeled when you are angry.

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

In walking through anger management, you must start from a self-awareness standpoint and you must begin to say to yourself ‘I want to start making connections.’

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

The only way you can make a connection is to honestly put yourself in a place of doing some work.

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

Kindly put the following in writing:

1. Think of your anger and describe it – what does it look like and what does it bring out after the fact?

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

2. Can you identify the things that you normally think, feel, say and do when you are angry?

3. Answer this question: “how does the world look to you when you are angry?”

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

Why we need to manage anger is because there is a cost to anger.

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

What cost of anger did you identify in the process?

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

A man that is constantly on the path of anger is being ripped apart in many places he may not regard or understand

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

You can veritably say that one major cost of anger that impacts is relationships. Anger will impact relationships regardless of who, what, where & when.

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

Anger can also be bad for your health.

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

It is very clear that we need an outlet for anger.

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

Some of us keep our anger locked up inside us and deal with it by not talking about it. Other people tend to explode when they are angry, neither outlet is very constructive.

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

In some cases, we have learned that being angry & aggressive is inappropriate and we have learned that expressing anxiety or depression and are more acceptable

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

Either way, we are not managing our anger or channeling it in a healthy way. Sometimes we learn angry reactions too.

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

If our families are destructive, chaotic, rude, or troubled, we can have a difficult time learning to communicate our emotions.

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

We used to say letting ur anger out is a good idea, but this is no longer considered safe. However, when people act out in anger, they can actually escalate anger & aggression.

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

Consider the costs & pay-offs to anger, and it is important that you need to learn strategies to handle your anger well

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

What are your anger pay-offs?
Could there really be pay-offs to anger? Yes

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

Itemize an anger pay-off list & see if the pay-off is influencing or reinforcing your anger. If it is, write an example for your learnings & if you want to share please send an email to @IdyEnang via [e-mail]

#navigatewithidy #AngerManagement @LagosTalks913

If you know you are on that streak of anger, you need help & you need help fast. Otherwise,it could be counter-productive

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

Here are some points to consider on your pay-off list:
a. Stress reduction: is it influencing or reinforcing your anger?
b. Hiding emotional pain
c. Getting attention
d. Punishing & getting revenge
#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

e. Changing the behavior of others & getting people to do what you want: In your anger, do you manipulate or cajole people?

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

The Anger Process: Anger is a two-step process. It involves pain plus trigger thoughts.

Anger = Pain + Trigger Thoughts

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

First, there is the pain. It might be emotional like a feeling of loneliness, loss, or rejection. It might also be physical pain like headache or pain in your tummy

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

The second part of anger is the trigger. The combination of both pain & trigger thoughts results in anger.

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

Anger has three (3) parts. The physical reactions that you will find may include but not limited to:
1. When the heart beats faster
2. Pupils dilate
3. Breathing fast
4. Faces may redden
5. Legs turn into jelly

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

All of this is because the body is planning for 'fight' or 'flight.' Our emotional reactions in addition to the anger may include fear, sadness, pain, loneliness & depression.

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

These emotional & physical reactions influence our behavior when we are angry. Both how we act & how we experience our anger. This might involve: swearing, yelling, talking faster & smashing things.

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

A lot of people in their emotional & physical reactions are being influenced by it. We are not making progress as a people because we have not managed anger well.

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

Nigeria's problem is not just about the followers or the leaders, it is about what drives both, and that word is a lack of discipline.

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

The day we all (followers & leaders) decide to be known as disciplined people, then transformation will come to our Nation.

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

Disciplined people will bring about disciplined thoughts and disciplined thoughts will produce character.

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

It is a combination of emotional & physical reactions that influences our behavior when we are angry. The ver root of this is lack of discipline.

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

The cost of our indiscipline is pain to your brother; pain to your sister; pain to your neighbor; pain to tour community & pain to the Nation but we don't see it because of selfishness.

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

Part of managing our anger is identifying what makes us angry and managing the root of the problem.

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

Generally, there are two (2) things that make us angry:
1. Hot buttons: these are things that are true about ourselves, that we may feel ashamed of or try to pretend do not exist.

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

2. Triggers are experiences that can remind us of or have us relieve griefs or traumas from the past.

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

What are personal hot buttons?

Do you know things about you that are true but you prefer to avoid them?

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

When people make comments about things that we are ashamed of or that we try to deny, we say that they are pushing our buttons.

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

1. When people criticize our driving
2. When people criticize our diet
3. When you are told you belong in a place

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

Depending on how well we have accepted our own shortcomings and how we respond to people's comments, you may have more or fewer hot buttons at different points of your life.

#navigatewithidy #Anger #AngerManagement @IdyEnang @LagosTalks913

When people have survived a traumatic event, a small thing can bring the memory flooding back. These triggers can be a smell, sound, emotion, gesture, or even a single word.

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Thank you for being a part of today's program. To listen to this edition and past programs, please visit anchor.fm/idyenang.

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Please follow Mr. @IdyEnang across Instagram via instagram.com/idyenang and be sure to ask your questions if you have any as regards today's program or past editions.

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