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Erika Heidewald, Proud Autistic Bitch Profile picture
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8 Apr, 8 tweets, 2 min read
the only good thing about homework for me is it gave me something to do in class. that’s the only reason i wasn’t super disruptive bc i definitely couldn’t just pay attention so i did all my homework. any bigger project that i had to do at home i just .. did not do
i would completely forget about the existence of these assignments as soon as i was out of school which ended up in things like me inventing a book to do a book report about bc i forgot that assignment existed until the night before. pulled that one off
it did not go well when we had an assignment of building a musical instrument in science class, which i was supposed to be doing over the course of about two months and i only remembered the weekend before it was due so i built one & it didn’t work. had to play it for the class
my teacher knew it didn’t work so i just had to demonstrate how it didn’t work and then explain why (i had used balsa wood and there wasn’t enough tension on the strings). B-. my mom also let me falsify months of home bird watching logs for the same class 😂😂
people really underestimate how capable i am at forgetting things. i didn’t get a yearbook in 7th or 8th grade bc it required ordering one in person and i forgot every day all year both years. impressive
if i didn’t have enough homework to do in class i would fall asleep. my 10th grade math teacher had a literal dunce cap she made kids wear who fell asleep and she tried to make me do it and i was like no. there is no way i will ever do that. i was willing to get expelled instead
turned out my willpower was stronger than hers so she gave up. all that and i was still considered a good kid bc i was white and got straight As bc i am good at taking tests. being good at school or not means literally nothing about you, it’s arbitrary and unfair.
college was exactly the same. and all of that has meant nothing for my life except that the only skills i have are useless to make money with but everyone still thinks i should be able to. school fundamentally does not work for ND kids. it completely fails us.

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More from @erikaheidewald

Erika Heidewald, Proud Autistic Bitch Profile picture
9 Apr
I was a very existential kid so I don’t remember a time before this & it’s been the biggest struggle of my life. eventually i found a few ideas and ways of thinking that helped me - they’re very specific to me but if any of it helps anyone feeling this way, they’re worth sharing
If nothing matters, then everything matters. it’s the same thing. Every moment of joy for me or someone else matters. every moment I learn something and I like it, that matters. Every time I help someone, that matters. It doesn’t have to go anywhere. I’m detached from the results
there really are no rules. I do not have to listen to ideas I don’t respect and people I don’t respect. This is my one life and I will not let it be limited by people who think the rules of this society mean something. how I feel and what I think about myself are always up to me.
Read 31 tweets
Erika Heidewald, Proud Autistic Bitch Profile picture
9 Apr
It has been distressing me how many people think you can only believe in one framework for understanding an issue - if you believe in one, that means you think it is the only framework necessary. This is deeply incorrect & I want to help you break out of that way of thinking.
This might verge on patronizing, I don’t know, and if so I’m sorry, but critical thinking skills are *skills* that must be taught and practiced and it doesn’t make you stupid if you’re not good at it - it means your education system failed you. You can get this if you want to.
A theoretical framework or model is one way to look at data, categorize it, and derive meaning from it. It is a social construct. The data is not. In the context of autism - autism is a social construct, autistic people are not. Autism is a way to describe what we have in common.
Read 23 tweets
Erika Heidewald, Proud Autistic Bitch Profile picture
9 Apr
i remember when i was in high school and i very much wanted a diagnosis to describe what was going on with me because without it, that meant everyone was going through what i was going through and i was just worse at handling it and i KNEW that wasn’t true. i needed to prove it.
the problem is we’ve given people only one option besides erasure - diagnosis. there’s only one “get out of conformity free” card and it’s that biologically, medically, you are incapable of doing so, and you have had that affirmed by an authority trusted by the ruling class
THIS IS SUCH A FALSE FUCKING BINARY. the answer isn’t to play their ableist, classist, racist, misogynistic, transphobic, deeply cruel game. we need to refuse to play and start validating and recognizing each other without an authority telling us we have to.
Read 7 tweets
Erika Heidewald, Proud Autistic Bitch Profile picture
9 Apr
pretty sure this system just sucks and instead of fixing it we pathologize people for the misery it puts us through
i know this society is very resistant to admitting that anxiety and depression might ever be happening for a reason but feeling the immensity of how much the world sucks and that most people don’t give a shit has definitely always played a big part in my depression
i know society has trained everyone to be reactionary, binary thinkers (gee, wonder why) but the fact that external factors might have something to do with depression doesn’t make depression not real. you don’t need a context-free chemical imbalance to be valid
Read 6 tweets
Erika Heidewald, Proud Autistic Bitch Profile picture
8 Apr
something a lot of neurodivergent people would do well to remember is that not everyone can thrive in this society even with accommodations, & not everyone can live in their brain if they hate it. it’s not a coincidence that most people i see opposed to the social model are white
the specific kind of opposition i’m talking about is white people who see any argument in favor of the social model of disability and any argument for systemic change and shout it down or dismiss it as toxic positivity. systemic change is needed to end white supremacy.
white supremacy is inextricably tied to ableism. ableism is the justification for other kinds of oppression like racism, misogyny, and classism. calling people incapable and inferior makes oppression look natural and unavoidable. do not mock the need for systemic change.
Read 22 tweets
Erika Heidewald, Proud Autistic Bitch Profile picture
8 Apr
if we really wanna have some fun let’s talk about how fucking traumatizing gym class can be for neurodivergent kids 🙃 i think gym class is a secret neurotypical plan to break the young neurodivergent spirit. make it illegal
the most pitiful moment of my high school experience might have been when we had to do a skills test in volleyball that involved setting the ball off the wall four times in a row. i could not do this and kept sending balls flying around the gym as i begged them to let me stop
people kept telling me that eventually i’d find the sport i was good at so i tried every single sport & i can confidently report back that i am bad at every single sport. i don’t think my body was designed with any physical skills in mind. maybe it’s made for hibernating
Read 4 tweets

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