Thread by @Finn_Mackay

If schools have time to do a workshop on sexual consent, that's good, & they should, & it's something. But all this has to start earlier, in early years. Plus, schools aren't a replacement for society & can only do so much. But yes, if the one, the only place young ppl can hear a

https://twitter.com/Louise_m_perry/status/1379872851898028032

..different mssg then it's really important they hear it in that institution. Safe space to get real & be honest is welcomed by young ppl. Talking about gender expectations & myths is welcomed. Yes there should be space for this & it needs to be done skilfully.

I've delivered such training, including to men only groups. Here's some of the things we need to talk honestly about. These are sort of things that come up: why are men blamed for everything; girls want bad boys then when we do that we get blamed; girls like boys who are dicks;

nobody goes out to rape anybody stop treating us like rapists; feminism hates men; we may say stuff to each other but it's just joking; I don't like it when women try to grab my arse at work but nobody cares about that etc. So you need to able to not sell out your feminism & to..

..educate ppl on the basics of the law for their own sakes if nowt else, somehow get ppl to see things from another person's perspective, make space to imagine how actions might be recieved even when that's v different to the intent, not shame ppl any more than they already feel.

For anyone doing this work my advice is: Start from the premise that such workshops are useful to help out friends if they may need it. Emphasise that young ppl are more likely to turn to friends for advice & for role models than ever go to an authority figure or special service.

Convey then that the point of workshops is to empower & support young ppl in case they end up in a situation where they need to help a friend or provide leadership. Point is that it's difficult & even teachers don't always know how to respond or what to say so it's not right that

young ppl are just left without some skills, tips or ideas & this is about not leaving you adrift to do all this on your own. So right from the off you are approaching ppl as good, as supporters, as helpers, as active leaders. The workshop is about supporting that. Always make

clear that you assume everyone there cares about their peers & wants only the best for themselves & others. Once you've established rapport you can talk about intent & reception & always do this in reference to an imaginary peer. So someone may say something or joke to show off

to group & may say something about a girl, not violent or anything. You may assume girl will come back with something or tell guy to fuck off. So now you try exercise in how that could be v differently recieved, what if young woman was on her own, separated from friends, what if

she cut her night short because of that, what if that was fifth leery comment she'd had that night & she was sick of it, what if that was first time she'd been out since being sexually assaulted. It's all to try & imagine seeing things from someone else's perspective.

Anyway, it's all very delicate & everyone is affected by trying to live up to gendered expectations & figure out what they even are. We need a paradigm shift in how women are portrayed in culture. If you present women & girls as nothing but objects then you can't feign surprise

& throw your hands in the air when women are treated as jst that. Plus, if our boys & young men have gendered attitudes we profess not to like, don't keep scrutinizing & shaming them like they dreamt it up out of nowhere. They learnt it. They learnt it from us. Change the lesson.