today i am thinking abt an au where wwx thinks he has a new dragon pal & does a bunch of friend stuff with him, like having a secret handshake, & making him a little flower crown for his horns, & riding him around!!! & lwj is like wow this dude is a SLUT guess we’re MARRIED now
turns out in dragon culture it is a) VERY taboo to touch each other if you are not parents/kids or bonded; and b) wwx has been blithely performing all the kinkiest mating rituals without having any idea. they essentially went to third base on day 1.
wwx: shijie i made a new friend!! we hung out all day, it was super fun & dope :)
lwj, in a stunned daze: i can't believe i have a lover now. a clandestine liaison. i must marry him to guard him from shame should anyone discover our passionate lovemaking*

*wwx touched his horns
lwj asks for wwx's hand bc he's like okay this dude is out here WILDING, if i don't marry him STAT he's gonna either get himself into trouble or someone ELSE is going to realize it's basically free real estate!!

when JF relays this to wwx he's like wait what i JUST met that guy
luckily wwx is always extremely himself so he's like hmmmm you're telling me i could go hang with my dragon pal all the time, who is a DRAGON, in his DRAGON cave? for DRAGONS? yeah sign me UPPP actually

truly doesn't occur to him til he's there that like. hm. dragon. 🍆???
lwj has a human form, which is a relief bc it's not like wwx is ... NOT into it? he just feels like logistically there's going to be. obstacles.

lwj is like :) don't worry :) we will :) figure it out :) we have :) plenty of time :) i hibernate in winter & now so do u :)))
why do dragons hibernate what kind of taxonomy is this i don't know!!!! i'm not a dragon scientist i am literally JUST the town gossip coming here to tell u all what happened to ur friend

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More from @varnesbutworse

18 Mar
been thinking a lot about how to approach Stuff today, esp bc I know a lot of folks use fandom as an escape. i don’t want to muddy that space. but i do want to help! so: DM me a receipt to one of these orgs & send me 3 emojis & i’ll write you a tweet fic!…
i know this can feel a little flippant — i hope it doesn’t, my intent is just to do some concrete good without rehashing traumatic news.

i’ll also match as many donations as i can! donate whatever you can, there isn’t a minimum requirement.

take care of yourselves ♥️
also if you choose to donate to a different org, that’s fine too!! this is just a handy list for those who may not have a go-to.
Read 60 tweets
30 Nov 20
during the massacre at lotus pier, wei wuxian is thrown into the burial mounds. he learns/creates demonic cultivation and assumes the role of the Yiling Patriarch, bc he believes everyone he loves is dead. then he receives word that lan zhan is being married off -- to wen chao.
(it should go without saying that this whole thing is a story being told to sizhui by his favorite uncle, lan xichen)
wwx is surprised to hear that lan zhan is marrying anybody at all, since he was led to believe that lwj -- along with everybody else -- was dead.

"& then the day came when he realized every time lwj played that unnamed song, what he was really doing was saying 'i love you.'"
Read 206 tweets

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